IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problem as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently
Add a comma
,Currently
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 many young people are not doing the
exercise
Use synonyms
 whether it is working or non-working day
Add the comma(s)
, as a result,
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as a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
 they are facing
health
Add an article
a health
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 issue. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I would like to explain
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 of the issues and
proposed
Wrong verb form
propose
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 some solutions. To commence with a wide range of factors contributes to the fact that
lot
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a lot
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 of citizens are not willing to do the
exercise
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
The
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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first
Linking Words
, people are wealthier nowadays compared to the past, reason behind professionals are spending huge
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 with their office colleagues to complete their deliverables, task, and responsibilities in
Use synonyms
result
Correct article usage
a result
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 they get stressed obesities.
In addition
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases people are willing to start the
exercise
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, they do not have enough knowledge of the
exercise
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, what kind of
exercise
Use synonyms
 is required to do
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
loss
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lose
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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weight? How to perform the
exercise
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? so these are the drawbacks currently,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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faced
Add a missing verb
are faced
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 by individuals
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
Use synonyms
result
Correct article usage
a result
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 they are facing lots of problems related to
body
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the body
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. Fortunately, several solutions have been found. The major solution is government should pass the bill
at
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in
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senate
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the senate
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 to reduce the working hours for professionals so they would get free time during the day to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bodybuilding.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
finance
Add an article
the finance
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 minister should provide tax exemption benefits
on
Change preposition
at
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 the expense of the gymnasium to encourage communities
build
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to build
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthy societies and provide
budget
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a budget
the budget
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 to state owners to build public parks with
well quipped
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well-quipped
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 equipment
of
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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sports and
additionally
Linking Words
 spared awareness of health and gym benefits into news media to encourage public in
result
Use synonyms
 they will stay fit and healthy. To
summaries
Replace the word
summarise
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,
Add a hyphen
health-related
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 problems are arisen due to personals are having time constrain, unhealthy lifestyle and many
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not self-discipline, to resolve the
issue
Change the verb form
issuing
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 government should provide some better facilities and individuals needs to take self-initiative.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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