IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#someone #luck
It is often considered that
people
 achieve their goals or not, mainly a matter of
luck
 or some beliefs. In my, inclination
luck
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not play a role
to gain
Change preposition
in gaining
show examples
 success.
Thus
 I completely disagree with the statement which leads to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
, the first and foremost reason behind is that hard-working
people
 are found to achieve their respective goals without any hurdles.
Moreover
, they believe
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
 practising it would help them to attain their target in life.
For instance
, college cliques of students tend to spend time in un useless activities because they have a mindset that god will help them out but when exam outcomes
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 they realise what mistake they have
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 in a course duration. Probing ahead,
Luck
 has a 1% chance that the masses can reach their aims. Moving
further
, it is pertinent to mention that all successful
people
 have a clear mindset, Meanwhile, in the,beginning they work hard so they can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
people
.
For example
, APJ Abdul Kalam sir is a clear example of a
people
. Nowadays, individuals
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
follow him on each and every social site so they can
encourage
Wrong verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 by him and follow his thoughts.
In addition
 to
this
 parents use to guide their adolescents to work hard, and practise more and more will help them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
people
. To recapitulate,
according to
 the argument one reaches the conclusion
luck
 will not help you out in life.
Furthermore
, you have to grind yourself to achieve success in life.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and thorough response to the task. The arguments presented are not fully developed and do not address the extent of the agreement or disagreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has some coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the main points are not well supported, and the essay lacks a clear progression of ideas.
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