IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years,
science
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 has shown some significant improvements that benefit
people
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's quality of life, including expanding their life span. Personally, I agree with
this
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 contention since there are some discoveries from various fields of
science
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 which have been proven beneficial for
people
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's
lives
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.
To begin
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 with, one of the inventions that should not be taken
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 granted is the discovery of medication,
for example
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, the COVID-19 vaccine. It is known that when the pandemic hit us globally,
people
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 suffered so much from having various symptoms.
This
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 situation was quite worrying since the hospitals were not big enough to serve the overloaded patients.
In addition
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, there was a lack number of medical workers,
such
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 as doctors and nurses. Fortunately, about one year after battling with the pandemic, the vaccine eventually emerged
although
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 there were a lot of victims that had fallen.
However
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,
people
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 were still very grateful for the invention of the COVID-19 vaccine because it lighted up their hopes.
Subsequently
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, another
science
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 field that has a big contribution to
people
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's
lives
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 is astronomy. Actually, it is not a kind of discovery that has a direct impact on
people
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's
lives
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 (
such
Linking Words
 as health) but it is more like a contribution to better knowledge.
For instance
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, as astronomic technology gets more advanced, the unravelling of outer objects becomes much easier so that the public gets to know more about outer space.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the information is widely accessible if they want to learn more about the solar system. In conclusion,
science
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 has become one of the most important subjects to be paid attention to because its contribution to our
lives
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 is truly mesmerizing.

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task achievement
Try to enhance the linkage between your main points and the essay question to make your argument more direct and clear.
coherence cohesion
For better cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Further develop your paragraphs with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance on the subject.
task achievement
Use of relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 vaccine and advancements in astronomy, effectively supports your points.
coherence cohesion
Good logical structure that makes your essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • innovations
  • sustainability
  • renewable energy
  • biotechnology
  • quality of life
  • environmental issues
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • technological
  • efficiency
  • sustainable practices
  • food security
  • agricultural
  • crop yields
  • nutrition
  • economic development
  • industries
  • poverty reduction
  • education
  • knowledge dissemination
  • informed decision-making
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