IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are two controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the method to be successful in life.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that getting access to tertiary education plays a paramount significant role in
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s fruitfulness,the opposite makes a statement that it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a heavy reliance on other determinants.
While
Linking Words
 each has its own redeeming feature,I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt,being accessible to university puts a premium on
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s success,but there are other elements that can affect it .
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is probably
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university’s
Change noun form
university
show examples
 degree will help
people
Use synonyms
 be hired
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some leading corporation,which
makes
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a better occupation.
For instance
Linking Words
,some popular firms
such
Linking Words
 as VINGROUP
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a tendency to recruit
people
Use synonyms
 graduating from top-rank universities in Vietnam, namely National Economics University,
Foreign
Correct word choice
and Foreign
show examples
 Trade University.
Therefore
Linking Words
, absorbing precious knowledge at the academy is of imperativeness but it is not the only way.
While
Linking Words
 the necessity of getting access to
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
is widely acknowledge
Change the verb form
is widely acknowledged
show examples
,
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s fruitfulness relies on other elements,especially
skills
Use synonyms
. And the reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that the more set of
skills
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have,the better their work quality is.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can bring some precious contribution to the company. Communication
skills
Use synonyms
,time-management
skills
Use synonyms
,
problems solving
Replace the word
and problem-solving
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 can be cited as
one
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 of the most outstanding instances in order to make a large amount of profit in a short period of time .
Hence
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s high achievements are heavily dependent on various determinants, especially
skills
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,despite getting access to tertiary education is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s success,it relies on other factors.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure the essay provides a balanced discussion that clearly addresses both views presented in the question and concludes with your own clear opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with factual, relevant examples where possible, ensuring that you provide comprehensive development for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, conjunctions) appropriately to ensure the text flows logically and is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical mistakes and work on avoiding repetitive sentence structures. Aim for a variety of complex sentence forms.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: