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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Topic: Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #men #women
It is argued that
women
 are less competitive than
men
 naturally. I totally agree with
this
 opinion and think
men
 are naturally doing better than
women
.
Firstly
, I believe
men
 are born with an
advantage
 that
women
 do not
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is physical strength. If a
man
 and a
woman
 are required to lift items to a building, a
man
 would be of more
advantage
 because he naturally has more strength than his counterpart.
For instance
 at a
weight lighting
Add a hyphen
weight-lighting
show examples
 competition males
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 found to lift more than a female.
Thus
 a
man
 has more natural
advantage
 than a
woman
.
Secondly
, a
man
's intelligence quotient is higher than a
woman
Change noun form
woman's
show examples
 naturally as
men
 tend to think outside the box more to solve problems and create solutions.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
 a
man
 has to think beyond his available resources to provide solutions to his family on a daily basis which gives them an
advantage
 over a
woman
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research conducted in
usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 amongst both
men
 and
women
 proved that 80% of
men
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 able to think more critically than
women
.
Thus
men
 are more competitive. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
men
 are naturally more competitive than
women
 because they are more physically empowered and they are more intelligent.
Submitted by david.oniyinde on

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