IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some controversial perspectives heating a debate over how to gain high achievements in life.
While
Linking Words
 some claim that getting access to tertiary education acts as the sole contribution to the fruitfulness of
people
Use synonyms
, the opposite makes a statement that there are formidable influences to gain it.
While
Linking Words
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned aspects. Without a shadow of a doubt, digesting theoretical valuable knowledge at an institution should put a premium on
people
Use synonyms
’s high accomplishment but not a sole method.
The college’s
Correct article usage
College’s
show examples
 degrees will give
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
assistance to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recruited
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 some leading companies which can facilitate
people
Use synonyms
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
:
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
there are some prevalent enterprises
such
Linking Words
 as vingroup which are prone to choose
people
Use synonyms
 having a degree from a
top
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
rank school in Vietnam namely NEU,
FTU
Correct word choice
and FTU
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming features of being accessible to academia
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 widely acknowledged , becoming a high-achiever relies on other elements, especially
skills
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 may probably be because the better soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are, the more productive
people
Use synonyms
 work so they can create more valuable contributions to firms.
time-management
Correct your spelling
time management
show examples
, communication and teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
 can be cited as some of the most outstanding examples because it is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 to make profit expansion for corporations in a short period of time.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
’s success depends on other influential effects, especially soft
skills
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 digesting precious insights
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s high achievement, it
also
Linking Words
bases
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on other factors
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It is crucial to ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. While these elements are present, they could be better defined and more explicitly structured. Your introduction briefly introduces the topic, but could be stronger with a clearer thesis statement that outlines your essay. The body paragraphs contain relevant ideas but sometimes lack clear topic sentences and cohesive devices, which are essential for guiding the reader through your argument. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and synonyms to avoid repetition and to demonstrate lexical resource. Aim for a clear progression of ideas throughout, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that is elaborated upon with specific examples or further explanation.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question, but to achieve a higher band score, ensure your response is fully developed with comprehensive ideas. While you mentioned different aspects that contribute to success, including university education and soft skills, it could be strengthened with further examples, elaboration, and analysis. It is also important to make your personal stance clear throughout the essay, not just at the conclusion, and to explore the counter-argument in depth. Also, work on precision in language to avoid any confusion and ensure that task achievement is consistent across all parts of the essay. This includes addressing the prompt directly and presenting a nuanced argument that fully explores the extent to which you agree or disagree with the given statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: