IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern work place. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion ? What other factors influence people to work hard?

These days, promotion to an upper position is considered one of the most motivational factors influencing people to work harder in their fields because it helps them become more financially stable and satisfied.
Besides
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, there can be several ways for companies to motivate workers to be dedicated, including improving the facilities and keeping a healthy work-life balance. On the one hand, monetary satisfaction is the primary reason advancement is the most determining factor
to
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in
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 being productive and determined at tasks. A recent survey by the New York Times has shown that more than 70 per cent of employees selected the money value as the top reason for the motivation behind getting a promotion.
In addition
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, many people believe that getting advancement is a sign that their company appreciates their endeavour;
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hence
Punctuation problem
hence,
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 it gives them a sense of being a valuable
employer
Use the right word
employee
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, and they become more enthusiastic and passionate about being an
employer
Use the right word
employee
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 of that company.
On the other hand
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, there are several possible ways for companies to motivate their staff.
Firstly
Linking Words
, employers can improve the working environment by decorating facilities. To illustrate, adding only a few decorations
like
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, like
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 a blue-enriched light
bulb
Punctuation problem
bulb,
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 can help employers
to
Verb problem
apply
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become more efficient and optimistic at their workplace. The second motivating factor can be a better work-life balance. In today's competitive world, employees are often forced to exceed their customarily scheduled working hours, which results in less motivation in the long run as they feel stressed out. 
To conclude
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, in modern society, getting a promotion is thought
as
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of as
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 the most crucial factor that influences one's productivity
Punctuation problem
,
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as it is
monetary
Correct pronoun usage
both monetary
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 and non-monetary satisfaction.
However
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, the company can use other methods,
such
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 as improving the working environment and reducing operating hours.

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task response
Plan your essay with one clear view. State your idea at the start. Then add two or three points with a short example.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a simple sentence. Follow with a small reason or example.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other. Use words like first, next, also, but, so.
language
Use simple grammar. Check your verbs and subject. Use common words and short sentences.
task response
Finish with a short conclusion that restates your view and gives a final thought.
content
Give real and clear examples that fit your point.
structure
Clear plan and order: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Some good facts or ideas, like the NYT survey.
coherence
Links show how one idea leads to another.
readability
Easy to read words and short sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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