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Band 5.5

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem thoughout the developed world . Because of this , some people think that adverts for fast food , sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this ?

#childhood #obesity #thoughout #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #schools #colleges
It is often considered that in the contemporary era obese problem rising among children. Due to
this
, few masses believe the advertising of junk meals, sweets and sugary snacks should be banned in schools and colleges. In my, inclination
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 should be banned in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and colleges. I partially agree with the statement which leads to a conclusion
also
. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
, the
first
 and foremost reason behind is that advertising junk foods should not be allowed in school and college premises it helps
juvenile
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juveniles
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 to stay away from sugary snacks which will not affect their health. Another striking reason is that kids get more easily influenced by eatable products because some of them involve goodies in a wrapper.
For example
, a survey conducted by The Time of India mentioned in their article that convent schools of Delhi rearrange their canteen wall with
nutrition
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nutritious
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 fruits as well as healthy food
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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kept for kids to avoid junk food. Probing ahead, obesity is a major problem which keeps on increasing day by day without knowing anyone.
Furthermore
, companies want to run their organizations so they help of advertising a product so it can run in a market and lead to great profit.
Moreover
, advertising is the easiest way to connect with every generation. To recapitulate, according to the argument one can reach the conclusion that the obesity problem can be mitigated if schools and colleges focus on providing healthy meals and encourage young ones to follow
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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