IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

One of the consequences of the improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expentancy is increasing. Do yo think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expentancy #yo #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When
people
Use synonyms
 get more medical care,
people
Use synonyms
 will have more maximum age and life
Correct your spelling
expectancy
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 will grow up. For disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 development,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will grow up
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 that need more
source
Use synonyms
 from our environment. The
world
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 possibly damaged by more human.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 advantages will not outweigh the disadvantages.
Population
Add an article
The population
show examples
 have
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
 since the past, while each
people
Use synonyms
 have to receive
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 quantity of
source
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 may live longer but finding
source
Use synonyms
 never decrease. To
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their desire that respect to
Correct your spelling
increasing
Correct article usage
the incresing
show examples
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 population, they will
damaged
Change the verb form
damage
show examples
Correct your spelling
environment
Correct article usage
the evironment
show examples
evironment
Correct your spelling
environment
 by deforestation, releasing waste
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
ocean
Add an article
the ocean
show examples
, and destroying
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
. The pollution
occur
Change the verb form
occurs
show examples
 and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 them to bad health. As the result, they will focus on medical care developments to help
people
Use synonyms
 caused by their doing while developments to less using the
world
Use synonyms
's
source
Use synonyms
 will be harder
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 slowly grow. To conclude, the medical care
developements
Correct your spelling
developments
 will make
people
Use synonyms
 have better health, but they do not decrease
desire
Add an article
the desire
show examples
 of humanity not to damage
Correct your spelling
their
the
thier
Correct your spelling
their
world
Use synonyms
.
The pollution
Correct article usage
Pollution
show examples
 steadily
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 while increasing
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 age or life
Correct your spelling
expectancy
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not help the
world
Use synonyms
 to stop infinite desire.
Submitted by meanpemika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: