IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
It is true that in recent days, some celebrities were known for their glamorous lifestyles rather than for the achievements they gained in their life. While I totally agree that these celebrities set a bad example for children, I believe that other well-known
people
 act as positive role models. On the one hand, some
people
 are renowned without working for being famous. They may have inherited monumental legacies from their parents, and married someone who is a wealthy and powerful person. A good example I have heard of is an heir from a wealthy and famous family in my country. He is well known for wasting time and money by attending a nightclub or spending money purchasing supercars that make many
people
 admire his glamorous and wealthy lifestyle and ending his poor life at the end . The message to teenagers is that even if you are successful in the future, don’t immerse yourself in luxury and wealth.
On the other hand
, there are some celebrities who make them outstanding role models for young
people
. Actors , musicians, and sports stars become famous because they have worked hard and developed physically and mentally . An example is the football player Cristiano Ronaldo , who has become worldwide famous through years of practice and hard work.
This
 celebrity can inspire children to develop their talents through perseverance. In conclusion, I agree that many famous
people
 are well known for their luxurious and wealthy style,
instead
 of their achievements and it would have a negative impact on the young age
people
 in society.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: