Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual’s responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion?

It is debatable whether medicinal care and education should be the responsibility of the government, or not. Some people reckon that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
should provide
this
welfare to their citizens,
while
others argue that these should rely on individuals. In
this
essay, both statements will be explained before my perspective is reached. On the one hand, studying and wellness care should be a basic human right for everyone because It can effectively reduce social disparity.
Due to
the financial
support
from the government, every student gets the opportunity to access standard education, regardless of family background. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result, educated students who come from poor families can elevate their well-being by getting a well-paid job.
For example
, in developed countries
such
as the Netherlands and
Finlands
Fix the agreement mistake
Finland
show examples
, the governments
support
tuition fees, and uniforms, and even provide money to parents.
Therefore
, the rate of
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
and
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
show examples
in their nation is very low compared to developed countries including Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar.
On the other hand
, some people believe these should not burden the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
with these types of payments, and individuals should be responsible for their own.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
ministry should spend taxes on more significant issues, namely preventing the consequences of climate change, improving national infrastructures, and so on, which are more urgent.
For instance
, natural disasters consisting of drought, flood, and storms cause the loss of thousands of lives and economic value. In conclusion, the aforementioned benefits of the government's
support
for education and welfare contribute to promoting social equality. In my perspective, the ministry should
support
tuition fees, and health care fees because it not only provides happiness to their citizens but
also
improve the nation.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. However, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples and ensuring that all key points are fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there could be better organization of ideas within paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion. Transition words and phrases can help connect ideas more effectively.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: