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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but other people claim that it is the individual’s responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #education #individual’s #responsibility
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It is debatable whether medicinal care and education should be the responsibility of the government, or not. Some people reckon that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should provide
this
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 welfare to their citizens,
while
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 others argue that these should rely on individuals. In
this
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 essay, both statements will be explained before my perspective is reached. On the one hand, studying and wellness care should be a basic human right for everyone because It can effectively reduce social disparity.
Due to
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 the financial
support
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 from the government, every student gets the opportunity to access standard education, regardless of family background. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, educated students who come from poor families can elevate their well-being by getting a well-paid job.
For example
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, in developed countries
such
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 as the Netherlands and
Finlands
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Finland
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, the governments
support
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 tuition fees, and uniforms, and even provide money to parents.
Therefore
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, the rate of
unemployed
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unemployment
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 and
homeless
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homelessness
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 in their nation is very low compared to developed countries including Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar.
On the other hand
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, some people believe these should not burden the
authority
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authorities
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 with these types of payments, and individuals should be responsible for their own.
As the
Correct word choice
The
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 ministry should spend taxes on more significant issues, namely preventing the consequences of climate change, improving national infrastructures, and so on, which are more urgent.
For instance
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, natural disasters consisting of drought, flood, and storms cause the loss of thousands of lives and economic value. In conclusion, the aforementioned benefits of the government's
support
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 for education and welfare contribute to promoting social equality. In my perspective, the ministry should
support
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 tuition fees, and health care fees because it not only provides happiness to their citizens but
also
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 improve the nation.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion. However, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples and ensuring that all key points are fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there could be better organization of ideas within paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion. Transition words and phrases can help connect ideas more effectively.
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