IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Writing Task 2 Sample answer Over the past 50 years,
people
Use synonyms
 have become used to the idea that they will probably live longer than/their grandparents 32 flexible 33
elephar
Correct your spelling
elephant
34 100 00 35
produc
Correct your spelling
product
did.
However
Linking Words
, a longer life is only desirable if you can look after yourself and be independent,
otherwide
Correct your spelling
otherwise
;here can be Readin disadvantages for everyone. If you walk into a hospital in my country, you are likely to see a lot more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 than you did in the past. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 1 FALSE is causing significant problems as there is a shortage of beds. 2 FALSE Medical treatment is keeping the elderly alive, but at what cost 3 NOT G 4 TRUE 5 NOT G to others? "l. On top of
this
Linking Words
, one of the biggest medical problems these days 6 TRUE is dementia. Even if old
people
Use synonyms
 are still fit, they may not be 7 C able to look after themselves. They may have to live with their thing. They have time to enjoy their retirement and do a range
19
Change preposition
of 19
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
of activities that they could not do when they were at work. 20
floori
Correct your spelling
floor
floors
They can
also
Linking Words
 help look after their grandchildren, which is a great benefit for working parents.
To sum up
Linking Words
. I believe that we should aim to keep
people
Use synonyms
 Readi
às
Correct your spelling
as
 healthy as possible so that they can enjoy their old age 27 YES 1). without having to rely on others. A longer life expectancy is 28 YES obviously advantageous, but no one wants to live to be 100 if .29 NO they only cause problems for their family and society. 30 NOT (308 words) 31 NOT
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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