There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, many schools focus only on children's academics rather than non-academics because of the pressure

that is

Linking Words

given to young people to succeed.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

subjects

Use synonyms

that are out of academic lessons should be not used. I agree with

this

Linking Words

decision for some reasons. The main reason is that children need academic study in

school

Use synonyms

as their basic knowledge before going to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

university.

This

Linking Words

means that the academic lessons help them learn and decide what degree they need to choose after graduating from

school

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, academic

subjects

Use synonyms

give them wider perspectives about life after

school

Use synonyms

, so they can recognize their self from it.

For instance

Linking Words

, an engineer chooses civil engineering as their degree in the university.

As a result

Linking Words

, he works as a professional engineer after finishing his studies. The other reason for removing non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

from the

school

Use synonyms

is because it can give students extra time to concentrate on their main

subjects

Use synonyms

. When the pupils have other goals than their main goal, it will divide their thoughts.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, they cannot maximize their academic studies. My experience can be a good example of

this

Linking Words

circumstance. When I was in junior high

school

Use synonyms

, I got a minimum score in math subject because I aimed to pass my physical education exam. All things considered, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

are necessary

Verb problem

need

show examples

to be removed from the

school

Use synonyms

syllabus to give young people a chance to learn academic lessons as their basic knowledge.

Also

Linking Words

, their existence could delay the pupils' time to learn more about their main

subjects

Use synonyms

Submitted by rifkiw1205 on Thu Mar 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Provide counter-arguments to show a balanced view before stating your position. This will enrich your response and show critical thinking.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This could include citing studies, statistics, or detailed personal experiences.

task achievement

Be careful with general statements. It's important to remember not every student will have the same experiences or needs. Acknowledging this can strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

For better cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Check for minor grammatical errors and enhance sentence structures for clearer expression.

coherence cohesion

You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

You presented clear arguments for your viewpoint, making your position evident.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, with relevant points and examples.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
In some nations, most institute students choose to live with their family under one roof, while others go to other cities for education. Even though, living with your parents and siblings can guarantee you, that you have supporters on your side, youngsters actually become more responsible by living alone. I believe, the advantages of living aside from your family outweigh the disadvantages.
4
band
Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in University in many countries. Why? Effects on society
In current years, there is a lack of students choosing scientific majors in higher education schools in several parts of the world. This trend may be caused by some reason and leave some consequences on society.
4
band
In some countries fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. do you think this is a positive or negative development ?
Many nations fast food restaurants and supermarket give advertising to nearly schools to promote their products. Overall, this essay will express the con about the impacts of fast food restaurants and supermarkets give discount to school such as expansion mental issue and reducing behaviour of saving.
4
band
You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, -explain that you would like to apply for the job -give some details of any relevant experience that you have -specify the days and times that would suit you
I am writing to apply for a local restaurant that I noticed.
6.5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some groups of people believe that having knowledge of other languages is just for travelling and working in other countries. However, others think there are more causes it is better for somebody to be able to speak another language. It is clear that the reasons for learning a foreign language have a lot of benefits that are not limited to working and travelling abroad.

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in University in many countries. Why? Effects on society

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part-time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, -explain that you would like to apply for the job -give some details of any relevant experience that you have -specify the days and times that would suit you

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.