There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Nowadays, many schools focus only on children's academics rather than non-academics because of the pressure

that is

given to young people to succeed.

Therefore

, the

subjects

that are out of academic lessons should be not used. I agree with

this

decision for some reasons. The main reason is that children need academic study in

school

as their basic knowledge before going to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

university.

This

means that the academic lessons help them learn and decide what degree they need to choose after graduating from

school

Moreover

, academic

subjects

give them wider perspectives about life after

school

, so they can recognize their self from it.

For instance

, an engineer chooses civil engineering as their degree in the university.

As a result

, he works as a professional engineer after finishing his studies. The other reason for removing non-academic

subjects

from the

school

is because it can give students extra time to concentrate on their main

subjects

. When the pupils have other goals than their main goal, it will divide their thoughts.

As a consequence

, they cannot maximize their academic studies. My experience can be a good example of

this

circumstance. When I was in junior high

school

, I got a minimum score in math subject because I aimed to pass my physical education exam. All things considered, non-academic

subjects

are necessary

Verb problem

need

show examples

to be removed from the

school

syllabus to give young people a chance to learn academic lessons as their basic knowledge.

Also

, their existence could delay the pupils' time to learn more about their main

subjects

Submitted by rifkiw1205 on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Provide counter-arguments to show a balanced view before stating your position. This will enrich your response and show critical thinking.

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Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This could include citing studies, statistics, or detailed personal experiences.

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Be careful with general statements. It's important to remember not every student will have the same experiences or needs. Acknowledging this can strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

For better cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Check for minor grammatical errors and enhance sentence structures for clearer expression.

coherence cohesion

You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

You presented clear arguments for your viewpoint, making your position evident.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, with relevant points and examples.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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