Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

There have been different kinds of emotions in

Correct article usage

the humans

show examples

humans

Change noun form

humans'

human's

show examples

senses since the

first

time a person heard

Remove the article

music

a piece of music

show examples

music

or a

song

. These feelings can be anxiety, sadness , happiness or something else, which usually seem to be in the same

way

among different

people

. I totally agree that

music

can bring various cultures and ages together just by listening to a special

song

. In the continue, I would explain my reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

argument.

First

of all, I believe that

music

is like a unique language all over the

world

, that every person gets a feeling while hearing a

song

Although

the feelings might vary,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

most

people

feel the same

way

when a

song

is played.

For instance

, the national anthem of every country creates a sense of

proudness

Replace the word

pride

show examples

inside

Change preposition

show examples

its own

people

country

people

. By the

way

Add a comma

,way

show examples

to enjoy a certain kind of

music

, there is no need to learn anything, and

humans

Change the noun form

human

show examples

sensations

Change the verb form

are

show examples

provoking while

Remove the article

music

a piece of music

show examples

music

is playing instinctively.

Moreover

, local

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

can show the cultural side of their public origin by using domestic instruments and tools or even poems in their songs.

Thus

other folks from overseas can be introduced through their local

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

Additionally

Add a comma

,Additionally

show examples

it has been seen that

people

from different countries sing a special

song

at the same time while they have gathered to celebrate a ceremony without considering their ages or nationalities.

For example

, the soccer

World

Cup opening ceremony

song

which is held every four years is sung by various folks and their singers from different countries. To sum up, In spite of the fact that

music

is like a

unit

Replace the word

unified

show examples

language among all

people

, there is no specific learning needed to understand

this

language.

Also

music

from a far part of

world

Add an article

the world

show examples

is been listened

Change preposition

to in

show examples

every corner of the

world

and it is available for almost everyone.

Therefore

I agree that it can be a great

way

of consolidating

people

from different backgrounds around the

world

Submitted by smiiiter on Mon Oct 10 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

330 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, regarding the vast progress of science and all the investments that have been allocated to it, something that comes to mind is that the main purpose of these research and developments should be to make human life easier. This essay will describe some aspects of this view as well as my agreement with it.
6.5
band
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
The development of technology has bonded people, however, some people believe that it has inverse consequences. I agree that it has alienated relationships between individuals.
6
band
Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?
Some people believe that the authority can prevent illness by decreasing environmental and housing issues. Form this author’s perspective. It may be meaningless when governments focus on reducing pollution instead of improving the quality of medicine.
5.5
band
Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Million people today are travelling farther and farther throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, other think that its influences are positive. Write an essay to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities. Including reasons and relevent examples to support your answer.
As now people are all living in a global village, travelling becomes more convenient and affordable. Tourism contributed significantly to many countries' economic development, however, some people argue that it brings disadvantageous effets on local communities. In my opinion, tourism has more benefits than drawbacks.
7
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors, and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
There is a current phenomenon that a growing number of professionals, like doctors and teachers, are reported to be moving out of their own developing countries so that they can work in more advanced states. This occurrence can cause problems with the fulfilment of citizens’ basic necessities and the continuation of certain professional sectors in the country. However, by improving professionals’ wages, employment benefits, and development systems, these issues can be mitigated by the governments.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors, and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?