Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is considered by some individuals that young
offenders
should get the same treatment as older criminals from the government. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
because most adolescents indulge in criminal activities due to immaturity and if given a
second
chance, they can make positive contributions to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
with the larger number of
years
they have ahead. One reason why the government should be lenient with juvenile
offenders
is due to the immaturity of young people.
In other words
, many young people have raging emotions because of puberty and other biological changes in their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
at
this
stage of
their
Correct the word
theirs
show examples
. The reaction to these rapid changes could lead them to commit crimes because they have not mastered their emotions.
For instance
, the sexual changes at puberty can make a young boy touch somebody of the opposite sex inappropriately thereby becoming
a sexual
Correct the article-noun agreement
sexual offenders
a sexual offender
show examples
offenders
. Another reason why minors should get lesser judgement when they commit offences is that they can still be productive in their later
years
. By
this
I mean when people commit crimes at a young age, giving them a similar sentence to an adult will rob
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
of other positive things they could contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
in their later
years
.
For example
, a person who gets imprisoned at around
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
eighteen
Change preposition
of eighteen
show examples
for a term of fifty
years
will not contribute any tax or other valuable things to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. In conclusion, I think young
offenders
should not be subjected to the same punishment as older criminals because of their undeveloped minds and the loss of valuable contributions to the community.
Submitted by beansola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: