Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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contemporary epoch, surged
increasing
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increase
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in morbidity rates regarding children has become a controversial argument. Whilst some opponents emphasise that the foster parents are in charge of
this
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phenomenon, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance. in
this
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essay
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,essay
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my contention will be
further
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explained. to embark on, despite the fact that
Correct your spelling
parents
parenst
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parents
can put some restrictions to impede their offspring from craving harmful products, the authorities
borne
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bore
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the brunt of conserving the teenagers' well-being.
this
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means that when national institutions monitor restaurants which provide high-
calori
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calorie
colour
caloric
food and impose stern
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regulations
regeslations
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regulations
,
this
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will decrease
availability
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the availability
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of junk food. an eminent example is that Pizza Hut and Macdonalds, which are quite
upiquities
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ubiquitous
in Egypt, provide convenience meals which are full of fat and
carbohydates
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carbohydrates
carbohydrate
.
Therefore
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, what can be said is that national agencies should impose laws to decline manufactured
sandwiches
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sandwich
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Correct your spelling
consumption
consumbtion
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consumption
.
Furthermore
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, governmental agencies should launch awareness campaigns to attract
breadwinnwers'
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breadwinner's
attention to
detrimental
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the detrimental
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effects of carcinogenic food, and fund
for
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apply
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advertisements on TV.
in other words
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, if local authorities pay for commercials and
propagand
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propaganda
to display the drawbacks of overweight
especially
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,especially
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in children,
substantial
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a substantial
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proportion of dwellers will be more careful.
this
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can be witnessed by quite
famous
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a famous
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commercial
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campaign
compaign
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campaign
in Egypt when Mo Salah participated in
this
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humanitarian mission against obesity.
Accordingly
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, in a final analysis, nations can boost
inflencers
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influencers
and public figures to inform citizens about the demerits of children's obesity. in conclusion, after
this
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essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that The
Minestry
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Ministry
of Health and
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legislators
regulators
regislators
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its regislators
show examples
are responsible for mitigating the issue of obesity in lower-aged individuals. eventually, I am convinced that without business icons' support, young boys and girls could not have been healthier.
Submitted by ericssonsony551 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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