Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children

this

contemporary epoch, surged

increasing

Replace the word

increase

show examples

in morbidity rates regarding children has become a controversial argument. Whilst some opponents emphasise that the foster parents are in charge of

this

phenomenon, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance. in

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

my contention will be

further

explained. to embark on, despite the fact that

Correct your spelling

parents

parenst

Correct your spelling

parents

can put some restrictions to impede their offspring from craving harmful products, the authorities

borne

Correct your spelling

bore

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the brunt of conserving the teenagers' well-being.

this

means that when national institutions monitor restaurants which provide high-

calori

Correct your spelling

calorie

colour

caloric

food and impose stern

Correct your spelling

regulations

regeslations

Correct your spelling

regulations

this

will decrease

availability

Add an article

the availability

show examples

of junk food. an eminent example is that Pizza Hut and Macdonalds, which are quite

upiquities

Correct your spelling

ubiquitous

in Egypt, provide convenience meals which are full of fat and

carbohydates

Correct your spelling

carbohydrates

carbohydrate

Therefore

, what can be said is that national agencies should impose laws to decline manufactured

sandwiches

Fix the agreement mistake

sandwich

show examples

Correct your spelling

consumption

consumbtion

Correct your spelling

consumption

Furthermore

, governmental agencies should launch awareness campaigns to attract

breadwinnwers'

Correct your spelling

breadwinner's

attention to

detrimental

Correct article usage

the detrimental

show examples

effects of carcinogenic food, and fund

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

advertisements on TV.

in other words

, if local authorities pay for commercials and

propagand

Correct your spelling

propaganda

to display the drawbacks of overweight

especially

Add the comma(s)

,especially

show examples

in children,

substantial

Add an article

a substantial

show examples

proportion of dwellers will be more careful.

this

can be witnessed by quite

famous

Correct article usage

a famous

show examples

commercial

Correct your spelling

campaign

compaign

Correct your spelling

campaign

in Egypt when Mo Salah participated in

this

humanitarian mission against obesity.

Accordingly

, in a final analysis, nations can boost

inflencers

Correct your spelling

influencers

and public figures to inform citizens about the demerits of children's obesity. in conclusion, after

this

essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that The

Minestry

Correct your spelling

Ministry

of Health and

Correct your spelling

legislators

regulators

regislators

Correct pronoun usage

its regislators

show examples

are responsible for mitigating the issue of obesity in lower-aged individuals. eventually, I am convinced that without business icons' support, young boys and girls could not have been healthier.

Submitted by ericssonsony551 on Mon Oct 10 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

policies
responsibility
health and well-being
education and awareness programs
childhood obesity
food advertising and labeling
unhealthy food
supportive environments
recreational facilities
collaboration
healthcare providers

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Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantages?

An increase in production of consumer goods results in damage of the natural environment. What are the causes and possible solutions?

Some people think that a person improves intellectual skills better when doing group activities. To what extend do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view.

While some people consider global warming to be more pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has more devastating impacts on our worlds. Discuss both views and give your opinion

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?