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Band 3

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
In
this
 contemporary epoch, surged increase in morbidity rates regarding children has become a controversial argument. Whilst some opponents emphasise that the foster parents are in charge of
this
 phenomenon, some opponents and I adopt a diverse stance. in
this
 essay, my contention will be
further
 explained. to embark on, despite the fact that
Correct your spelling
parents
parenst
Correct your spelling
parents
 can put some restrictions to impede their offspring from craving harmful products, the authorities have borne the brunt of conserving the teenagers' well-being.
this
 means that when national institutions monitor restaurants which provide high-calorie food and impose stern regulations,
this
 will decrease the availability of junk food. an eminent example is that Pizza Hut and Macdonalds, which are quite
upiquities
Correct your spelling
ubiquitous
 in Egypt, provide convenience meals which are full of fat and
carbohydates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
carbohydrate
.
Therefore
, what can be said is that national agencies should impose laws to decline manufactured sandwich consumption.
Furthermore
, governmental agencies should launch awareness campaigns to attract breadwinners' attention to
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
 effects of carcinogenic food, and fund advertisements on TV.
in other words
, if local authorities pay for commercials and propaganda to display the drawbacks of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in children, a substantial proportion of dwellers will be more careful.
this
 can be witnessed by a quite famous commercial
Correct your spelling
campaign
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
 in Egypt when Mo Salah participated in
this
 humanitarian mission against obesity.
Accordingly
, in a final analysis, nations can boost influencers and public figures to inform citizens about the demerits of children's obesity.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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