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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #school #parents
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Children
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 nowadays tend to lead unhealthy lifestyles. Some people think that schools must be responsible for changing
this
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 bad way of life, while others think that
parents
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 should bear the main responsibility.
First
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 of all, due to the rapid development of contemporary society,
parents
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 nowadays are busier than
parents
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 in the past. They just have less time to take care of their
children
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. So when it comes to
children
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's diet,
parents
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 are more willing to give their
children
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 money to buy takeaway
food
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 at
school
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, but when they buy
food
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 outside, no one cares. To
this
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 end,
parents
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 have a responsibility to ensure that their
children
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 eat a healthy diet. One solution is to provide them with lunch. Schools
also
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 play an important role in
this
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 regard, controlling the quality of
food
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 in the canteen and not allowing
children
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 to buy
food
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 outside. Another unhealthy lifestyle is that
children
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 don't care about keeping their area clean. At
school
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, some students like to throw rubbish everywhere and can't keep their desks clean.
Besides
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, they like to play with their friends, no matter
the
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whether the
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 place is clean or dirty. After playing, they hold the
food
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 with their hands and do not wash their hands. Everything they do may affect their health. Because of
this
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,
school
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 teachers must guide
children
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 to have a healthy life and make relevant rules for it.
Parents
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 must
also
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 teach their
children
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 to keep clean often. To sum up, in order to change the unhealthy lifestyle of
children
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, I think both
parents
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 and schools have the responsibility. While
parents
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 control and educate their
children
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 at home, teachers do it at
school
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. That's how we give our kids a better future.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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