nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance from the screen (laptop, etc) and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree?

#entertainment #performance #screen #laptop

Amusement is becoming an essential part of

people

's life.

People

entertain them in various ways

such

as by watching movies, serials, cartoons etc. Some say that they should prefer to watch these on their personal computer

instead

of going outside. I completely agree with

this

statement and I will discuss my points

further

as well.

First

of all, in

this

way, we can save the time which we spend

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

going outside to watch live performances.

For example

, if a person has a whole day off and he/she wants to get some refreshments

Change preposition

for

show examples

entertainment,

then

it is better to arrange cinema views at home and watch a concert in less time together.

Hence

, they do not have to waste their time on travel and they can do the rest of the things later on.

Second

of all, some

people

do not like crowds and so at

Add an article

the house

a house

show examples

house

Add a comma

,house

show examples

they are able to pleasure themselves by viewing some movies or live performances.

As a result

, they can fulfil their enjoyment alone

instead

of any type of disturbance.

On the other hand

, live shows can enhance our confidence in the community because they can overcome someone's shyness by communicating among them.

Additionally

, it

also

provides financial support to the artists.

For instance

, if

people

will give preference to live concerts,

then

they have to buy tickets and in

this

way, performers will get funding from them. In conclusion, there are many benefits to watching lives, and movies at home

instead

of going outdoors, so in my opinion,

this

is a better idea to get some enjoyment and save money as well.

Submitted by sonia.devi66971 on Wed Oct 12 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance from the screen (laptop, etc) and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. •describe what the problem with the changing rooms is • say what happened the last times you complained • explain what you want the manager to do.

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In come countires, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negetive situation?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?