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Band 6.5

nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance from the screen (laptop, etc) and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree?

#entertainment #performance #screen #laptop
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Amusement is becoming an essential part of
people
Use synonyms
's life.
People
Use synonyms
 entertain them in various ways
such
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 as by watching movies, serials, cartoons etc. Some say that they should prefer to watch these on their personal computer
instead
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 of going outside. I completely agree with
this
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 statement and I will discuss my points
further
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 as well.
First
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 of all, in
this
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 way, we can save the time which we spend
for
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apply
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going outside to watch live performances.
For example
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, if a person has a whole day off and he/she wants to get some refreshments
by
Change preposition
for
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 entertainment,
then
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 it is better to arrange cinema views at home and watch a concert in less time together.
Hence
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, they do not have to waste their time on travel and they can do the rest of the things later on.
Second
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 of all, some
people
Use synonyms
 do not like crowds and so at
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
house
Add a comma
,house
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 they are able to pleasure themselves by viewing some movies or live performances.
As a result
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, they can fulfil their enjoyment alone
instead
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 of any type of disturbance.
On the other hand
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, live shows can enhance our confidence in the community because they can overcome someone's shyness by communicating among them.
Additionally
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, it
also
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 provides financial support to the artists.
For instance
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 will give preference to live concerts,
then
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 they have to buy tickets and in
this
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 way, performers will get funding from them. In conclusion, there are many benefits to watching lives, and movies at home
instead
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 of going outdoors, so in my opinion,
this
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 is a better idea to get some enjoyment and save money as well.
Submitted by sonia.devi66971 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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