IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many individuals hold
conflicting
Replace the word
conflicts
show examples
 about participating in teams
sport
Use synonyms
 like soccer or individual
sports
Use synonyms
 like tennis or swimming which is popular.
Although
Linking Words
 there are good arguments in favour of playing individual
sports
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 part in teams
sport
Use synonyms
 is a great choice. On the one hand, playing
team
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 support player
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
 more communicative and socialize everywhere.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people who
isolated
Add a missing verb
are isolated
show examples
 will become injured
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 mental depression when they felt embarrassed
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
. If they attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teams
sport
Use synonyms
, they will particularly feel a new world which means become sociable and attract
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 support and promote a sense of community and belonging.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Playing as a
team
Use synonyms
sport
Use synonyms
 promote cooperation, no matter the individual talents of all players. The lesson is without teamwork is impossible to succeed.
For example
Linking Words
, many celebrity football players including Messi,
Ronaldo
Correct word choice
and Ronaldo
show examples
, …. Both all the greatest
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 whole the world but their
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
 not only
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
individual
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 supported by their
teammate
Fix the agreement mistake
teammates
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, participating in
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be
powerful
Add an article
a powerful
the powerful
show examples
 and
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
 way to stay motivated and push yourself
level
Fix the infinitive
to level
show examples
 up. Having
teammate
Fix the agreement mistake
teammates
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
train together can be inspiring and encourage you to rise to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new level.
As a result
Linking Words
, people would
enthuse
Wrong verb form
enthused
show examples
 about that
sport
Use synonyms
 which they spend
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of time on it.
In addition
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 impart knowledge to appreciate and respect the value of every
teammate
Change noun form
teammate's
show examples
 abilities and how their strengths can contribute to
shared
Correct article usage
a shared
show examples
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 in order to make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 more supportive, patient and optimistic
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 on and off
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many people consider
that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
suitable for participating in individual
sports
Use synonyms
. I personally keep my perspective for playing
Use synonyms
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 is better.
Submitted by trminhchau27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: