IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men. What do you think make these changes happen? What is your opinion about it?

#places #women #jobs #men #changes
21st
Correct article usage
The 21st
show examples
 Century brings in a lot of revolution in the job culture. Both men and
women
 are seen participating actively in the different job domains where only men were considered in earlier times. I believe
this
 is a positive change in recent times. To start with,
women
 are considered equal to men in terms of all work-related areas
such
 as Multi-Nationals, Hospitals, Schools and many more we see an equal ratio of them working.
This
 leads to
women
 being more strong, more independent and more hardworking. The economy will be benefitted as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country will have more taxpayers and in case the husband or the main man of the house is not well or is out of town for his job can rely on the woman of the house for a living. For ,example in the aviation ,department we have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same number of male and female pilots or in ,hospitals we find more female doctors than male.
On the contrary
, some old-generation thinkers consider
this
 to be negative as they believe
women
 are meant for the kitchen and to raise the kids. They do not allow
women
 to go for higher education or to allow them to follow their dreams. Many force their daughters to marry soon. In ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion I believe both communities are equal,
women
 working in different domains will grow the economy as a whole and can educate and will raise their children better.
Submitted by mailtoritika.chandwani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: