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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #criminals #level #education #reason #people #crime #prison #job
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Crime
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 rate is a matter of considerable public concern. There are several types of research to show that a low level of
education
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 causes many
criminals
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. So
people
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 think that the practical way to reduce
crime
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 is that
criminals
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 should be educated to make sure they can find a job when they
jail
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. As far as I am concerned, I think educating
criminals
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 is a good approach to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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crime
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 to some extent. On the one hand,
education
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 can help
criminals
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 find jobs.
People
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 who have
to
Change preposition
apply
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not
acquired
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acquire
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 more
education
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 are harder to find a high-income or stable job than those
people
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 who have a high level of
education
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. When they have no method to make living, they are easier to become a criminal, like a thief. So these
people
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 in
jail
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 can be educated in some practical skills to make sure they can be good at something in some fields, which can help them find work in the job market when they leave
jail
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. It can reduce
crime
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especially
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,especially
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 reducing the number of
people
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 who leave prison to try again to become
criminals
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
education
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 can ensure that
criminals
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 know information from the outside world. Educating
criminals
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 can make sure that they can
Correct your spelling
follow
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fellow
Correct your spelling
follow
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 the pace of society.
Criminals
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 are punished and stay in prison so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have no approach to
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
 information about the development of the world.
Thus
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,
criminals
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 know news about another area only in some regular ways. In China,
criminals
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 are permitted to watch TV, read books and have lectures about how to involve in society at the prescribed time.
Also
Linking Words
, they are educated to have a special
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 like fixing machines, making shoes and so on. These methods can make sure those
criminals
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 know information about other areas and
easy
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easily
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 integrate into society when they leave prison. All in all, educating
criminals
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 can make sure they have practical skills to make living is a good way to reduce
crime
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.
Besides
Linking Words
,
education
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 can make sure they can follow society’s pace when they leave
jail
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.
Submitted by surui1999 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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