In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved?

Health is wealth. Even if
this
is true citizens around the globe don't value their health and get involved in a series of activities which deteriorate their health. There are various reasons why
people
are becoming unhealthy and I will discuss them in the below essay.
To begin
with, nowadays
people
are working from home. They have acquired a sedentary lifestyle in which they sit at desks for elongated hours and work.
Furthermore
, there is a variety of mobile applications which
delivers
Correct subject-verb agreement
deliver
show examples
food, groceries and clothes for free of cost at the doorstep
due to
which the need to move or travel has been minimised.
For example
, as per a recent survey done by Mumbai
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
, 65% of
people
tend to buy items online to avoid stepping out of their houses and dealing with the salesperson as they get more discounts if they buy online.
Furthermore
,
people
enjoy sitting at home and watching movies as there are a plethora of platforms which has intriguing sitcoms that really hook the viewers for a couple of hours.
Hence
,
this
kind of laid-back attitude has not only made
people
unhealthy but
also
unfit. Even if
above-discussed
Correct article usage
the above-discussed
show examples
reasons are true there are ways to overcome these problems.
Firstly
, companies should give their employees free gym and yoga subscriptions which can push them to step out of their comfort zone and get involved in some physical activities.
Secondly
, everyone should try to challenge each other by completing some physical goals and sharing their success stories via social media. To exemplify, during a global pandemic the prime minister of India was seen sharing his yoga poses to encourage
people
to do yoga.
Moreover
, companies should resume their natural way of working and start inviting their employees back into the office to work twice a week.
Therefore
,
this
will not only make
people
fit but
also
physical movements can reduce visceral body fat.
Lastly
, in my opinion, it depends on person to person how he treats his body and what he does to get back in shape to live a longer life.
Submitted by sanketswami8193 on

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task response
To improve task response, make sure to address all aspects of the essay prompt and provide more detailed explanations and examples. Focus on discussing both the reasons for people choosing unhealthy ways and the solutions to overcome this.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more clearly with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transition words to connect your ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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