IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Technology has impacted on the way people interact. These days, many relationships are created and maintained through technologies such as mobile, telephones and the internet. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to establish and develop relationships?

#technology #people #relationships #technologies #telephones #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays people are socializing online with the help of social television platforms,
although
Linking Words
 it has pros and cons. I believe positives have the upper hand in comparison with negatives which have been depicted in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 ,with social interactions widely do favours for an individual who is an introvert,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 he might not be a
person
Use synonyms
 who can talk in a crowd but he will be able to talk when on the internet. How does it help a reserved
person
Use synonyms
? Social interaction
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 most important for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of a
person
Use synonyms
 the more the number of relationships he/she has will eventually help the
person
Use synonyms
 from mental health issues. For an instance, most of my friends are having fear to face
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, when it comes to online they are comfortable singing, dancing or acting and posting it in social forums without hesitation which gradually releases the fear of facing the public.
In addition
Linking Words
, the major positive is considered to be interacting with different people around the world and understanding their culture, language and much more. Networking with different nationalities favours individuals to improvise their language which can even help the human to migrate and settle in that respective country.
For example
Linking Words
, one of my
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
 who is a big fan of Spanish football somehow found
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual in a respective country with his sheer guts he learned the regional language and flew to Spain recently,
this
Linking Words
 might not be possible if social media does not exist .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, regular usage of social media can cause addiction eventually it can bring danger, the biggest problem is that individuals
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 to forget how to communicate with
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
 world because of
limitless
Correct article usage
the limitless
show examples
 usage of online platforms
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can even cause social anxiety and serious mental issues. To sum up, there are certain demerits
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using social media
however
Linking Words
, merits are having an edge over it.
Submitted by connectakhilkg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: