IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Employers should give their staff at least four weeks’ holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#employers #staff #four #weeks’ #holiday #year #employees #work
To improve employee performance, employers should provide at least four weeks of vacation
time
 to their workforce each year. I strongly agree with
this
 statement since it not only allows
employees
 to
work
 more efficiently but
also
 increases their trust. In today's contemporary area,
employees
 spend most of their
time
 at
work
.
Therefore
, having no free
time
 to recover their energy causes big problems
such
 as mental and physical illness.
As a result
, their efficiency falls appreciably and the business revenues and profits suffer. Companies can avoid these issues by giving them
time
 to gain their strength again. A great example of
this
 is: that
employees
work
 for a long duration, they get very little
time
 for their family and friends.
This
 results in broken relationships and erodes the social fabric which decreases their level of performance.
Additionally
, an extended break from
work
 builds a relationship of mutual trust between staff and employers. whilst
employees
 get a sufficiently long and well-deserved break from
work
, their trust in the employer increases and they feel confident that the latter will take care of their needs.
This
 ultimately transpires into better productivity and greater profits for the company. In conclusion, if
employees
 are given a long break from their jobs, not only will the profits and revenue of the companies increase, but
also
 they will be mentally and physically strong.
This
 will eventually bring economic prosperity and social stability.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your arguments, as this adds clarity and strength to your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors or typos, as refining these can further improve the clarity of your essay.
Overall Writing Skills
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a range of grammatical constructions to enhance the complexity and flow of your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a succinct conclusion, which is excellent for the structure.
Task Achievement
You effectively maintained a focus on the topic with relevant arguments and examples, which is key for task response.
Understanding & Insight
The rationale behind why vacations are beneficial for both the employees and the employers is well articulated, demonstrating good task comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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