IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cultures, Children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#cultures #children #message
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern
cultures
Add a comma
,cultures
show examples
Children
Use synonyms
 are being said that they can achieve
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 dream goals if they pursue
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 goals with passion.
This
Linking Words
 indeed is a very good example and advice given for
children
Use synonyms
 to be motivated to achieve what they want to be in
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
the
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.
Older
Change preposition
In older
show examples
 days there were very few areas that
children
Use synonyms
 were taught to become when they grow old. In more conservative countries they specify what
Correct your spelling
children
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 can be in future rather than identifying and letting them be
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they want to be in life. Even for that matter education systems in some countries are very narrow to
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
show examples
 number of areas of
Correct your spelling
employment
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
such
Linking Words
 as Doctor, Engineer, Lawyer or Banker. Modern days
this
Linking Words
 have changed over the year, Be it that your child
wants
Add the particle
towants
show examples
 be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 Economist or a Butcher they can pursue
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 dreams and
mosty
Correct your spelling
most
 can select studies relating to
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 dream areas. There are multiple choices to choose from. Some of the main advantages of encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 on what they like to pursue can create so many diversified new ideas and new
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtunities'
Correct your spelling
opportunities'
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 It
also
Linking Words
 can be that
children
Use synonyms
 will not be
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
age to decide what they
want
Add the particle
towant
show examples
 be, and
also
Linking Words
 it might give
unneccassary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 expectations to
children
Use synonyms
 and can collapse their big dreams since every child is not intellectually strong as some genius kids are like. On
a
Change the article
the
show examples
last
Linking Words
note
Add a comma
,note
show examples
 I feel
children
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged and give
optimistism
Correct your spelling
optimistic
optimism
 from
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 childhood on what they want to be when they become adults.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 keep it in mind
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to give them
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
unneccasry
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 dreams so they can
Correct your spelling
disappoint
dissapoint
Correct your spelling
disappoint
 themselves in the future.
Submitted by omali.vidushanka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: