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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
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The two maps illustrate how the
centre
Use synonyms
 of a small town Islip
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 going to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 from the current situation to the future.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, the maps demonstrate strong evidence
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 a lot of new
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 are going to change in the future.
According to
Linking Words
 the
plan
Add a comma
,plan
show examples
 the
centre
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 small town Islip
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 going to
modernized
Change the verb
modernize
show examples
 dramatically and
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
. First of all, the Main Road
demolished
Add a missing verb
was demolished
show examples
 and built the around comfortable Dual carriageway connecting
western
Correct article usage
the western
show examples
 and eastern sides
town
Change preposition
of town
show examples
.
Add a missing verb
was.
show examples
Instead
Linking Words
 shops
buit
Correct your spelling
built
 shopping
centre
Use synonyms
. The Bus station and Car
Park
Use synonyms
 are going to
buid
Correct your spelling
build
 near
Shopping
Correct article usage
the Shopping
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
. Housing
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 cleared in order to
buid
Correct your spelling
build
 new housing
several
Change preposition
in several
show examples
place
Change to a plural noun
places
show examples
 near
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
, near
Park
Use synonyms
. Between Bus Station, Shopping
centre
Use synonyms
 and Car
park
Use synonyms
 on the one side and shops are going to build
Pedestrians
Change preposition
for Pedestrians
show examples
 only.
According to
Linking Words
 the developing
plan
Add a comma
,plan
show examples
shool
Correct your spelling
school
show examples
Shool
Correct your spelling
School
show examples
 and
Park
Use synonyms
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 remained. One particularly
interisting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 fact in the developing plan demonstrate is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
road
Correct article usage
a road
show examples
 connecting between
north
Correct article usage
the north
show examples
 and south side.
Countyside
Correct your spelling
Countryside
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the north side.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words centre, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Small town
  • Centre
  • Development
  • Maps
  • Plans
  • Introduce
  • Topic
  • Purpose
  • Essay
  • Description
  • Current
  • Key features
  • Facilities
  • Advantages
  • Positive aspects
  • Benefits
  • Proposed
  • Changes
  • Improvements
  • Suggested
  • Potential
  • Course of action
  • Summarize
  • Opinion
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