IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
nations
Add a comma
,nations
show examples
 a rising number of the population are coming down with well-being problems as a consequence of excessive consumption of fast foods. Some people have a view that authorities ought to increase tax on
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 items. For my
part
Add a comma
,part
show examples
 I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view and believe
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that imparting
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 knowledge,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
 to the citizens and banning junk
food
Use synonyms
 items are the best way to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem. Undoubtedly, it is noteworthy that eating too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 leads to
health
Use synonyms
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
,
Use synonyms
food borne
Correct your spelling
foodborne
show examples
 diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, overweight, heart disease,
chronic
Correct word choice
and chronic
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
, the government should enhance
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 awareness of citizens towards
this
Linking Words
 problem
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 publicity and education than imposing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
levy
Fix the agreement mistake
levies
show examples
 as it will
Correct your spelling
increase
show examples
in crease
Correct your spelling
increase
show examples
 the disadvantage of middle classes people.
For instance
Linking Words
, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries, there are more than 50% of
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 class and if the authorities impose higher taxes on
food
Use synonyms
 items they will be affected
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, educating citizens and making them release
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
health
Use synonyms
 issues
drive
Wrong verb form
driven
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the excessive consumption of
Wrong verb form
fastened
show examples
fastening
Correct your spelling
fattening
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. From an economic point of view, the counter-argument raised by objectors is that the revenue from the higher tax could improve the country’s healthcare system.
This
Linking Words
 decision could be attributed to the fact that the healthcare system
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 a huge
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
budget on
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 with diet-related
health
Use synonyms
 problems and the levy could help fund
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
This
Linking Words
 argument is true to some degree;
however
Linking Words
, it is incomplete, what they fail to take into account is that those have caused their own illness because of their choice of consumption and the government does not have to
responsibility
Replace the word
respond
show examples
 to pay or help for the medication. In conclusion, I am convinced that imposing
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
 will not help much in solving the
health
Use synonyms
 issue for
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 mentioned above.
Submitted by dungnguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: