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Band 4

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered and some are even facing extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What can be done to deal with this problem?

#deforestation #development #species #extinction #animals
Nowadays, due to the increased destruction of
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
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, urbanisation and poaching, we are facing the issues of many
animals
 being endangered and on the verge of extinction. It is crucial to protect
animals
 as we, living beings, are
Correct your spelling
interdependent
interdependant
Correct your spelling
interdependent
 on the plant. Initiatives
such
 as proper town planning and opening safari for
animals
 can help to reduce the detrimental impacts on
animals
. Owing to the increasing population, there is a need
of
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for
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 land for
residential
Add an article
a residential
the residential
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area
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areas
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.
As a result
, the forests are destructed for urbanisation.
Consequently
, wild
animals
 lose their habitats. As some cannot survive in cities, they become endangered. In order to avoid
this
, town planning should be properly done.
For example
,
instead
 of burning all the trees down, it should be planned in a way that certain areas of forest remain intact. Another main reason
of
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for
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 the extinction of some animal species
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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due to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal hunting. If carnivores
such
 as lions were extinct, the population of herbivores will expand. It could lead to the major consumption of plants and the invasion
into
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of
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 farms. It will ultimately affect the survival of mankind.
Therefore
, it is necessary to take measures
of
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against
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 poaching. One way to deal with it is to
found
Wrong verb form
find
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open
Correct article usage
an open
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 safari for endangered wild
animals
 to prevent them from getting killed. Human activities
such
 as deforestation, urbanisation and poaching have detrimental effects on the survival of many
animals
. As our survival depends on each other, it is paramount
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 of mankind to take
actions
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action
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 to reduce the impact and maintain the ecosystem.
Submitted by yi.jun.smile26 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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