IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural back ground living together in the same country makes the country to develop faster. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #nationalities #ground #country
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In the meantime, many
people
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 live in abroad, they think that having
people
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 from others
nationalities
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 and cultural back ground living together makes the
country
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 to develop more quickily. I completely disagree because of some reasons that I mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 eassay. In the one hand,
people
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 from less develop
nationalities
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 and different cultural live in develop
nationalities
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 makes decrease
development
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 because the percentage of
development
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 changes by
people
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 have low income. They have many different problems
such
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 as: making friends with
people
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 in others
country
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, eat different foods, finding the way that earning to live. The result is their
development
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 is slow and more slowly.
For instance
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, the reseach of Hanoi National university shows that 80 percent of
people
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 who live in abroad have many different problems to adjust with new cirrcustance. Even many sudents have "shock cultural" that makes depress or bored.
In addition
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, some
countries
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 that
development
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 economy have social fund quite hight, so many
people
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 from less develop nationals to more develop
countries
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 result in affect of goverment policy
such
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 as: insurrance, unemployment benefits.
This
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 makes the
country
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 to develop more slowly. An example, over many years some
people
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 from Africa to Europe lead to
this
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countries
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 have the percentage of
development
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 is quite slowly. Even many
people
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 try to population of new
countries
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 that more
development
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 than their the
country
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. In conclusion,
people
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 from different
nationalities
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 and cultural living together in the same
country
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 makes the
country
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 can not develop. So goverment should have suitable policy to decrease
this
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 problem.
Submitted by trandung09091999 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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