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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (society)

#selfishness #basis #society #people #values #respect #community #world
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The main reason why it is not necessary for
students
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 to take their
gap
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year
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 is that we cannot promise that
students
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 will actually make full
use
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 of the time because of lack of dedication (unintelligible, can be changed to:
Although
Linking Words
 there exist certain advantages of a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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, it does not mean everyone should take the break since some
students
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 might lack self-regulation). Not everyone is full of self-motivation let alone the
students
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 who had just suffered from senior high(suffer from general plus disease or Disasters and other bad things should be changed here to suspended from the intense pressure of
college
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 entrance exam--
college
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 entrance exam pressure), where (the clause here lacks an object, should be changed to which) many
students
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 wants (the subject and verb are inconsistent in singular and plural, change the for want) to escape from, so I believe (reduce "I think" in the argument of the main paragraph and
use
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 more logical arguments) most of them will take the
gap
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year
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 mainly for relaxation and leisure (the
second
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 sentence of
this
Linking Words
 paragraph can be changed to : After passing the
college
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 entrance examination, many of these adolescents might desire more for relaxation and leisure
instead
Linking Words
 of hard work or travelling to learn.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might fail to make the full
use
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 of the
gap
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year
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. ) .Even if they really g o for work or travel or anything else, but it still remains on the surface (unintelligible), which is not indeed helpful (it is difficult to ensure that they do gain more knowledge or skills from these experience) . ).
Besides
Linking Words
 (the
use
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 of
this
Linking Words
 conjunction is a
further
Linking Words
 clarification of the previous sentence, here is a new argument that can be used
Moreover
Linking Words
/
Additionally
Linking Words
), those
students
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 who take the
gap
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year
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 will not have a tense connection of knowledge between middle school and university (unintelligible, changed to might need more time to adapt to the study life in university) compared with the other
students
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 who do not (need to add since they have spent a whole
year
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 without any homework or lectures), so the grades in
college
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 cannot be guaranteed too (to so their grades in
college
Use synonyms
 might be negatively affected, too).
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern society
  • traditional values
  • familial bonds
  • community ties
  • collective well-being
  • individual gain
  • responsibility
  • care for others
  • neglect
  • isolation
  • honesty
  • respect
  • cooperation
  • individual greed
  • ethical conduct
  • social cohesion
  • crime rates
  • mental health
  • general happiness
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