Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

#people #epidemic

Over the recent years, a pervasive phenomenon that has been observed is that

people

are getting more overweight in comparison with before which is caused by various reasons. In my opinion,

this

issue causes so many vital risks to human

life

. It's obvious that there is a variety of factors that can lead

people

to have fatness issues but in my opinion, 3 main reasons can be considered for

this

phenomenon.

Firstly

, we live in the age of modernity and

people

are mostly busy all day long so

as a result

, they do not pose any spare time to spend

Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing exercise and workout and

consequently

, they will suffer from getting overweight.

Secondly

, over the previous years

people

are showing more interest in fast foods

such

as pizza, hamburgers,... and

although

these types of foods may taste great, they contain high amounts of fats and high calories which may put their consumers at risk of getting fat.

Finally

, an undeniable factor that can cause plumpness is stress, In today's lives most

people

are suffering from high levels of anxiety plus, stress can sometimes lead

people

to eat more than usual times and

as a result

, it can be counted as a source of getting overweight. It's uncovered that excessive obesity is one of the crucial problems in today's lives as well as it can affect human beings' lives harmfully. I believe its main effect is on

people

's average lifespan in a

such

way that, if the problem of being overweight expands over the coming years, it would considerably decrease humans' average

life

Change preposition

For

show examples

Remove the article

apply

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instance plumpness can cause high-risk diseases

such

as high blood pressure or diabetes. Plus, obesity can lead to

reduce

Change the verb form

reducing

show examples

mobility , which

also

decreases the body's metabolism.

Accordingly

, due to all the mentioned reasons, the issue of being overweight can reduce the effective

lifetime

Replace the word

life

show examples

for each individual. In conclusion,

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once again restate my point of view that the phenomenon of excessive plumpness is one of the biggest issues in modern

life

and it is caused by different propellants.

Additionally

و I assume that

this

problem can have various effects on

people

life

especially, on the

life

span of men.

Submitted by asma_eshraghi on Sun Oct 16 2022

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

364 words

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Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

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Varied vocabulary

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Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

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Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this a positive or negative thing?

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