IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

#people #epidemic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the recent years, a pervasive phenomenon that has been observed is that
people
Use synonyms
 are getting more overweight in comparison with before which is caused by various reasons. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 issue causes so many vital risks to human
life
Use synonyms
. It's obvious that there is a variety of factors that can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to have fatness issues but in my opinion, 3 main reasons can be considered for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we live in the age of modernity and
people
Use synonyms
 are mostly busy all day long so
as a result
Linking Words
, they do not pose any spare time to spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing exercise and workout and
consequently
Linking Words
, they will suffer from getting overweight.
Secondly
Linking Words
, over the previous years
people
Use synonyms
 are showing more interest in fast foods
such
Linking Words
 as pizza, hamburgers,... and
although
Linking Words
 these types of foods may taste great, they contain high amounts of fats and high calories which may put their consumers at risk of getting fat.
Finally
Linking Words
, an undeniable factor that can cause plumpness is stress, In today's lives most
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from high levels of anxiety plus, stress can sometimes lead
people
Use synonyms
 to eat more than usual times and
as a result
Linking Words
, it can be counted as a source of getting overweight. It's uncovered that excessive obesity is one of the crucial problems in today's lives as well as it can affect human beings' lives harmfully. I believe its main effect is on
people
Use synonyms
's average lifespan in a
such
Linking Words
 way that, if the problem of being overweight expands over the coming years, it would considerably decrease humans' average
life
Use synonyms
.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
instance plumpness can cause high-risk diseases
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure or diabetes. Plus, obesity can lead to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 mobility , which
also
Linking Words
 decreases the body's metabolism.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, due to all the mentioned reasons, the issue of being overweight can reduce the effective
lifetime
Replace the word
life
show examples
 for each individual. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 once again restate my point of view that the phenomenon of excessive plumpness is one of the biggest issues in modern
life
Use synonyms
 and it is caused by different propellants.
Additionally
Linking Words
و I assume that
this
Linking Words
 problem can have various effects on
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 especially, on the
life
Use synonyms
 span of men.
Submitted by asma_eshraghi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: