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Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 of some
countries
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the young
people
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 when their
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 have
the yonge
Correct word choice
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 will be good because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 that could
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Another
Correct quantifier usage
Other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 good
due to
Linking Words
 some
countries
Use synonyms
 limit the
population
Use synonyms
, if
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have more young children, it will over
limit
Wrong verb form
limited
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages
about in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 some
countries
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
. One of
advantages
Add an article
the advantages
show examples
 is increasing the
population
Use synonyms
. In some
countries
Use synonyms
 support the family to have more children because that can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in the future. For example, in Singapore,
Philiphine
Correct your spelling
Philippine
Philippines
 and so on, What is
more
Add the comma(s)
more,
show examples
 chancing to improve the educations as when they have a lot of young generation, the government could improve a good
education
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they can develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
systems
Fix the infinitive
to include
show examples
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quilified
Correct your spelling
qualified
 teachers,
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good atmosphere. One of
disadvantages
Add an article
the disadvantages
show examples
 is the place for study. If the young generation still a lot, the school will not
enough
Add a missing verb
be enough
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the study, the government should construct more
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, when they have the new schools, the teacher will not
enough
Add a missing verb
be enough
show examples
 to teach them. The university should get more
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching
education
Use synonyms
. Another
disadvantages
Replace the adjective
disadvantage
show examples
 is the quality of
education
Use synonyms
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many students learn in the classroom, the teachers can not take care
Change preposition
of all
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
for instance
Linking Words
, when they have a problem they will need some help from the teachers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when they grow up, the
unemployee
Correct your spelling
unemployment
unemployed
problem will happen because the company can not receive everybody to get a job In conclusion, in some
countries
Use synonyms
 that have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
population
Use synonyms
 more than the old
population
Use synonyms
, the government should manage the
education
Use synonyms
 system.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should prepare the plans for
sloving unemployee
Correct your spelling
solving unemployment
 problems which can happen in the future.
Submitted by connectakhilkg on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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