IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outwaigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation #outwaigh
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In the current century, the
population
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 of some
countries
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 is composed of
large
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a large
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proportion
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 of youngsters rather than
old
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the old
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 generation.
Although
Linking Words
 some demerits are foreseeable in these
countries
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, I believe that they benefit more from their young generation.
Countries
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 containing
of
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apply
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younger
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the younger
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population
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 have been experiencing
dramatical
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dramatic
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 growth in their
economy
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economic
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 states. Young adults are believed to have higher life expectancy making them more productive, more innovative, and more energetic workforces. They have
longer
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long
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 working hours work
pass
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past
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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office hours, and the quality of their work is much higher compared to employees who are over 40. To back
this
Linking Words
 statement up, China which is one of the
countries
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 with the largest youth
population
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 and a pioneer of economics in the world
,
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apply
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 is a good example. In these
countries
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 the burden on the healthcare system reduces.
Researches
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Research
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 done by
19th
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the 19th
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 century had proven that individuals passing the age of 50, will be at more risk of chronic diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes.
Thus
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,
Countries
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 with younger
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population
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populations
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 have higher public health
level
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levels
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, (no comma we
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have
had
hav
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have
 no sbj) and put less pressure on
country’s
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the country’s
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 medical
centers
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centres
show examples
. (Explain more) Despite all the benefits, the drawbacks of
lower
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a lower
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proportion
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 of older people in these
countries
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 are hard to ignore. They can experience
lack
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a lack
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 of experts, and there will not be enough skilled workers who have devoted their lives to their jobs to teach the youth.
This
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 can lead to
dead
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a dead
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end
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ends
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 in all career fields and
deterioration
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the deterioration
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 of the country.
For instance
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, India
having
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has
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a
Change the article
the
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 youngest
population
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, based on the latest census,(unnecessary information) has the lowest
proportion
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 of skilled
labors
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labours
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. As suggested above, to sum
up
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,up
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 to summarize high
proportion
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 of youngsters in some
countries
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 is highly advantageous for their economy and healthcare system as long as they train them well.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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