Some people believe that it is important to spend time developing a successful career. Others argue that it is more important to spend time with friends and family than at work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
present day, more and more countries are becoming
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
where money is the power. Following
this
trendy
Replace the word
trend
show examples
, some
people
outweigh their success is much more important than their close
aquintances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
;
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
I believe that
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
career alone can not
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
your
life
. In
this
essay, I will illustrate two opposite ideas including mine. Profession,
Correct your spelling
pursuit
persuit
Correct your spelling
pursuit
dream
Change preposition
of dream
show examples
,
People
, compassion, relationship, There is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
main factor that some
people
believe
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
challenging job is the most important part of their
life
. It is true that professional jobs offer
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
income and stable lifestyle for the future. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
amount of salary can support oneself and one's family. As well as that, during the preparation, you can learn to be patient, motivate your
life
,
develop
Correct word choice
and develop
show examples
your own skills to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hardship,
moreover
,
Correct your spelling
especially
especailly
Correct your spelling
especially
once achieving the goal, you can be more appreciated about your
life
.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that
people
should spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
catching up with family and
friends
. As
life
is full of
unexpentances
Correct your spelling
unrepentance
, if anything happens to oneself, family and
friends
will help to support you, not the wealth you
Correct your spelling
accumulated
accumulate
accummulated
Correct your spelling
accumulated
. One example to
Correct your spelling
explain
explaine
Correct your spelling
explain
that is
that there was a journalist
asked
Correct pronoun usage
who asked
show examples
interviews with old men asking
Change preposition
about their
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
most regretful moment of their
life
. the vast majority of them mentioned
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not
spendin
Correct your spelling
spending
enough with their children
Correct your spelling
because
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
of their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
especially having a
first
birthday,
first
school starting day and so on.
This
supports great reason to spare time with family and
friends
before eventually
realize
Wrong verb form
realising
show examples
the mistake. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
concussion
concusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
having
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
profession can bring
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
of income to support
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
, I insist that
friends
and family members will be the only remained if you suffer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious hardship.
Therefore
, it is extremely crucial to put efforts
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
building
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Submitted by amyheo92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional fulfillment
  • Work-life balance
  • Financial stability
  • Emotional support
  • Societal contribution
  • Professional identity
  • Creating memories
  • Flexible working hours
  • Remote work
  • Setting boundaries
  • Prioritizing tasks
  • Productive workforce
  • Societal well-being
  • Cultural norms
  • Overall happiness
  • Foundational relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: