IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, some people think that universities should accept equal numbers of female and male in every subject. Others believe that this is an unacceptable policy. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
such
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 a 4.0 era, everyone is pursuing a suitable job which leads to the concept that the quantity of sex ratio
is unnecessarily balance
Change the verb form
is unnecessarily balanced
show examples
 in any subject in an institution. While there
also
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 has a theory of egalitarianism believed to support
gender
Use synonyms
 equality in every aspect including education. From my standpoint, I firmly believe that students in university have better choose their major regardless of
gender
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it is indisputable that more and more students
enroll
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enrol
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 in university, but no one can control how many males or females will register
in
Change preposition
for
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 a specific subject. University education should be based on
talent
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the talent
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 on through endeavour as well as
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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performance.
In addition
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, not all of them are equally in a concrete major, they have their own choices.
For instance
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, some careers like
drivers
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driver
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 or firefighter are undeniably not
Correct your spelling
appropriate
approriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 for females and they show less interest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, women get priority in jobs like nursing or
babysitters
Replace the word
babysitting
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, etc.
Therefore
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, students’ wishes and merit should be considered over the proportion of
gender
Use synonyms
 quantity.
Secondly
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,
gender
Use synonyms
 equality can
also
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 bring a myriad of stunning effects. It quickly cuts down the situation of lacking
labor
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labour
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 in a specific job,
therefore
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, stable sources of workers are always available, which can guarantee the remaining
of
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apply
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survival of an organization. That concept may become pivotal in some aspects, but in my perspective, it does not provide well-training workers. To sum up, to sophisticated, developed, and
industrialized
Add an article
the industrialized
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 world runs on the wheels of education;
as a result
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, both
Use synonyms
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 better choose what they want to be able to develop in
such
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a
Change the article
an
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 effective way to make sure they can survive in
Linking Words
such
Add an article
a such
the such
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competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 world.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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