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Band 4.5

In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?

#countries #people
Nowadays, communities are full of education, and it gave a path to be wealthy
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age. Young people in some countries
not
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are not
show examples
 only richer,
they are
Add the word(s)
but they are also
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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safer and healthier than
over
Correct your spelling
ever
show examples
 before.
However
, they are often less happy. The following paragraph highlights what are the reasons for
this
 situation and what they want to do and how to be full file as they wish.
Firstly
, past rich ones
wast
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waste
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 money
to
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on
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 unwanted things but
latest
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the latest
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 crowd are
stronger
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on stronger
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 financial side than before.
Moreover
, they eat healthy food, follow insurance
plan
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plans
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 and
well-educated
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are well-educated
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 because they have more money to expend those expensive expenditures. Another fact is
safe
Correct article usage
the safe
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 side of their
life
 circle. So, families use some technical devices to
safe
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save
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 their
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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.
Secondly
, we can consider their health
thy
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and thy
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life
. According to
the
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apply
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recent research conducted by the university of
Colombo
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,Colombo
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 they discover most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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teens are entered
to
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apply
show examples
the gym and try to maintain their healthy
body
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bodies
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.
On the other hand
, they are busy with their office work as well as day-to-day
life
 work. According to
that
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,that
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 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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miss
Correct article usage
the other
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other
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another
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 side of the
life
 journey.
However
, the government can execute some entertainment
program
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programs
show examples
.
It’s
Unnecessary verb
It
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 definitely help
to
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apply
show examples
richer young people to be relaxed and happy in their
life
, and
it
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its
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effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
productivity too. Happy businessmen are creative, and they are creating new work opportunities.
Finally
, the country should provide a
grevance
Correct your spelling
grievance
 system
to
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for
show examples
 young people to release their stress. In conclusion, so many young crowds
some
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in some
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county
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counties
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,
richer
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are richer
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, safer and
healthcare
Correct quantifier usage
more healthcare
show examples
 than before. The above paragraph
highlight
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highlights
show examples
 the reasons and solution
of
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to
show examples
this
 situation.
Submitted by nisalnadeeshana on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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