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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government spends much money for education. More money should be spent for free time activities. To what extend do agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #time #activities
It is often argued that the regime has an indispensable role in subsidizing the community in every sphere
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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education
, health, and some other
activities
.
Although
 I agree that government should pay more expenditure on
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system, I think that a portion of these expenses must be allocated to welfare
activities
. At the outset, a certain budget that will be spent
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
om
Correct your spelling
on
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 enhancing the
education
 sector is not a waste of money.
To begin
 with, schooling is a substantial factor that contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 countries’ progress,
thus
, myriads of authorities make sure that their citizens will obtain
proper
Add an article
a proper
show examples
education
.
For instance
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 offer a scholarship to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students who performed well in their studies with
high
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the high
a high
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 degree to complete their schooling beyond national borders,
therefore
, they will lead their countries in versatile fields. Academic qualifications are required in many professions.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher, or lawyer without having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 relevant degree.
That is
 why I believe that
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
 should allocate a great portion of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 to ameliorate the educational system. In sharp contrast to
this
, authorities must pay attention to support other
activities
.
To begin
 with, leisure exercises must be considered as fundamental factors which
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing the intellectual capabilities of people.
For example
, playing
the
Correct article usage
a
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 chess game can boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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logical thinking
for
Change preposition
of
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 players.
Moreover
, while a lot of competitions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been held worldwide and
this
 exhorts citizens to participate,
as a result
, if they win, it will be beneficial to gain a good reputation for their countries, and they will be given a rewarding prize.
Thus
, I believe
that is
 important to spend money on other
activities
 To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nutshell,
although
 I agree that authorities must devote
proportion
Add an article
a proportion
show examples
 of their
financial
Replace the word
finances
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 to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
education
, I think that leisure sports must be supported and given a huge concern like schooling.
Submitted by rehameldweik on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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