IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time
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It is argued that juveniles need to use their spare
time
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 with family while others saw
this
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 as not crucial bad. I will discuss both perspectives and give own my opinion.
Firstly
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, many
parents
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 want their
children
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 to spend most of their
time
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 with them. Because
parents
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 worried that
children
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 can be misguided by people that are bad influences.
For example
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, those
parents
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 that don't spend a lot of
time
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 with their
children
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 cause them to seek other people to spend
time
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 with which led to giving
children
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 drugs and making them addicted to drugs.
Hence
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, a of lot
Parents
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 want to guide their
children
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 so they won't walk down the wrong paths.
Secondly
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, spending too much
time
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 with their
parents
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 is not good for the heir.
Children
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 will not survive in the real world, because their spend too much
time
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 in the house not experiencing the real world.
For instance
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,
parents
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 who look after their
children
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 too much and are too protective and only want them to stay at home with them, those
children
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 don't get to hang out with friends causing led to depression and worst than that they are more likely to escape their home and never come back to see their
parents
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.
Thus
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, spend a lot of spare
time
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 and
parents
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 are protectively led to their
children
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 abandoning them. In conclusion,
Parents
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 want to guide their juveniles to a bright future
also
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 spending too much
time
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 and being too protective led to juveniles leaving and never coming back to their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should balance their
time
Use synonyms
 with their kids.
Submitted by rotie69bath on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
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