IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their family. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #time
It is argued that juveniles need to use their spare
time
 with family while others saw
this
 as not crucial bad. I will discuss both perspectives and give own my opinion.
Firstly
, many
parents
 want their
children
 to spend most of their
time
 with them. Because
parents
 worried that
children
 can be misguided by people that are bad influences.
For example
, those
parents
 that don't spend a lot of
time
 with their
children
 cause them to seek other people to spend
time
 with which led to giving
children
 drugs and making them addicted to drugs.
Hence
, a of lot
Parents
 want to guide their
children
 so they won't walk down the wrong paths.
Secondly
, spending too much
time
 with their
parents
 is not good for the heir.
Children
 will not survive in the real world, because their spend too much
time
 in the house not experiencing the real world.
For instance
,
parents
 who look after their
children
 too much and are too protective and only want them to stay at home with them, those
children
 don't get to hang out with friends causing led to depression and worst than that they are more likely to escape their home and never come back to see their
parents
.
Thus
, spend a lot of spare
time
 and
parents
 are protectively led to their
children
 abandoning them. In conclusion,
Parents
 want to guide their juveniles to a bright future
also
 spending too much
time
 and being too protective led to juveniles leaving and never coming back to their
parents
.
Therefore
,
parents
 should balance their
time
 with their kids.
Submitted by rotie69bath on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fosters
  • Sense of belonging
  • Transmission
  • Cultural and moral values
  • Overdependence
  • Hinder
  • Social development
  • Autonomy
  • Well-rounded development
  • Invaluable
  • Emotional and moral development
  • Self-reliance
  • Diverse interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: