IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibilty while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been a significant divergence of opinions revolving around the subject of
happiness
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that joyfulness is a personal responsibility,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it depends on a number of external circumstances. I firmly support the former notion and I consider
happiness
Use synonyms
 to be dependent on individuals themselves. Both views will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that the
state
Use synonyms
 of
happiness
Use synonyms
 can be affected by a multitude of factors. Cheerfulness can be influenced by the social mise en scène a person is located in,
as well as
Linking Words
 other circumstances of force majeure.
While
Linking Words
 interacting with each other,
people
Use synonyms
's emotional well-being can be easily swayed, often leading to unforeseen consequences. To illustrate, anger is one of the most contagious emotions that can spread among
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 like the plague. Sometimes,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot control their environment and it may exert its influence on their mental
state
Use synonyms
. Random events of "unstoppable force" may greatly impact one's mood.
However
Linking Words
, the way
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 perceive their surroundings is up to individuals themselves. Folks can choose to leave the social circle which has a detrimental effect on their mental health. The same can be said about the perception of events they cannot control.
In other words
Linking Words
, a person's mental well-being or
state
Use synonyms
 of bliss is mostly affected by their own personality and how individual traits and life experiences shape that personality. The prime example is the 16 personality types that were distinguished by behavioural science. Each of these identity types might define euphoria in different ways and have their joyfulness shaped by different factors. Thinking
people
Use synonyms
 might be affected by bad news differently than feeling
people
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, different
people
Use synonyms
 act differently and that may
also
Linking Words
 have a great influence on their delight.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though there are outer factors that might affect one's mental
state
Use synonyms
, I am of the opinion that it is up to individuals to take charge of their
happiness
Use synonyms
. The public might share the same environment,
although
Linking Words
 their response to that environment may vary depending on the individual's personal traits.
People
Use synonyms
 should take greater care of their mental health and limit negative external influences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides an overview of your response. The conclusion should summarize the key points and your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
The discussion should be directly related to the topic. Provide a clear position on both views and support them with relevant examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: