In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for leaving home and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In countries around the world, many people agree and support the idea that
children
Use synonyms
can participate in
work
Use synonyms
that can make
money
Use synonyms
. But others believe it is a mistake. And for me, I support the latter opinion more.
Work
Use synonyms
and health issues in
children
Use synonyms
should never be taken lightly. On the first front, many people assert that adolescents who have engaged in some form of
money
Use synonyms
-making
work
Use synonyms
can improve skills that will be useful in their future
such
Linking Words
as family finances, responsibility, etc. personal responsibilities, and
work
Use synonyms
experience.
For example
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
earn their own
money
Use synonyms
for their living, they will be able to improve their ability to observe their surroundings and perceive their responsibilities within the family and themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will have many opportunities to improve their life skills. It's a good thing for them and it helps if they find a job when they become adults. But on the second side, when they become part of a world where they need to
work
Use synonyms
to earn
money
Use synonyms
, it is already an inappropriate thing for many people to perceive. Because they are just a child, they don't have enough. Full understanding to prepare to enter the adult world. Not only that, they
also
Linking Words
do not have good enough health to spend a lot of time on full-time
work
Use synonyms
. It will have a bad effect on them because of problems
such
Linking Words
as their schedule, health, and even their studies. We can take,
for example
Linking Words
, they spend time both studying and working. That leads to distraction, and not achieving the best quality, which
also
Linking Words
affects the future. In conclusion, letting
children
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
to make
money
Use synonyms
is not bad, but
this
Linking Words
brings great risks to the lives of teenagers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am inclined to the opinion that
children
Use synonyms
working to earn
money
Use synonyms
will be a bad influence.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will provide clearer support and make your position more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of your essay are well-explained and that every paragraph is thoroughly developed. This can increase the overall comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between the points and arguments. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas clearly and maintain the reader's understanding throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs detailing arguments on both sides of the issue, and a conclusion that summarizes the position well.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt effectively by discussing both viewpoints and clearly stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes several logical points that are well-explained and relevant to the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: