IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some argue that
artists
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 including musicians, painters and poets, can stimulate the economy
hence
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, government support.
However
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, few people believe the government should support the significant aspect that will be beneficial .
Thus
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,
this
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 essay will elaborate on both sides of the argument in the following paragraph. On the
one
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 hand, social media today allows ordinary people to access art more than in the past.
Therefore
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, it can be soft power to promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
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 which have strong financial
countries
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 ;
for example
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, the music industry in
Korea
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 is globally famous as every public must have listened to at least
one
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 song from K-pop
such
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 as BTS, Blackpink or Seventeen.
Moreover
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,
this
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 influence affects the economy of
Korea
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 because several fan clubs want to go to
Korea
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 just to touch the atmosphere of their favourite band or some of them spend a plethora of money for concerts whether it is in their
country
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 or in
Korea
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.,
Also
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, K-dramas currently are popular and can make a large of lucre for the
country
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 from copyright dealing with a variety of large streaming platforms including, Netflix, Viu and Prime Video. These critics argue
artists
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 should be supported by the government because it is easy to access and has an enormous advantage for the austerity of the georgic.
On the other hand
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, even the art industry is
one
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 of the parts to develop the
countries
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 but only
countries
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 which have adequate resources. In fact, some
countries
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 a landlocked which is aren’t many trading options
accordingly
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 there are insufficient funds to spend on art. These
countries
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 should focus on basic improvement particularly, transportation, education and healthcare rather than
artists
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.
For example
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, some provinces in Myanmar don’t even have concrete roads and the politics of the
country
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 are weak. It indicates the lack of development within the
country
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 it comes through. These
countries
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 should start from the beginning to develop in
this
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 part.
To sum up
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,
artists
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 can be
one
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 aspect of the strong economy of
countries
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 but only in
countries
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 with sufficient resources because it is not the main aspect of development.
while
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,
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apply
show examples
 the landlocked or poor
countries
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 should be determined on the basis of development.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your argument structure is more clearly laid out. Starting with a clear outline can aid in presenting each point logically. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that guides the reader into the paragraph's main idea.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clearly state the purpose of the essay. Try to sum up both sides of the argument briefly before delving into detailed paragraphs, then present your opinion more distinctly.
task achievement
Make sure each point you make is directly connected back to the question. While your examples are relevant, ensure they clearly demonstrate the point you are making, always linking back to the topic and your opinion.
task achievement
You provided specific examples from the Korean music industry and Myanmar's economic conditions that aptly illustrate your points.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both views thoroughly and gives an appropriate opinion at the end, addressing all parts of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
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