In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays our society becomes older every year which causes some tension in the healthcare
system
. Basically, most of us go
along with
the idea that it is our common problem and we should work on solving it together. I completely agree with
this
statement and will review the strong sides of the scope of the essay.
First,
if we
are solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
the issue
following
this
approach, the expenses will be equally divided between us and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
it will be cheaper for a separate person. It already works like
this
in different countries, where employees have to pay taxes and a part of the sum is invested into hospitals, education and equipment. Crucially, the money we are paying is not huge.
For instance
, some reports reflect that it is usually a few
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
of our monthly salaries.
Second,
the elderly will not be able to maintain the financial
system
of the healthcare area, which will lead to a collapse. On the one hand, it is going to happen, because the elder generation earns less money and they are not productive compared with the young.
For instance
, the research
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
part of that society from 20 to 50 years old is generating most of the revenue in most countries.
On the other hand
, the
system
is
also
used by the younger generation, which
also
creates additional pressure on it. It is true, that they obtain appointments not so often, as grandfathers and grandmothers, but it should not be the burden of the ones who are more than 50 years old. In conclusion, I want to emphasize that I support the concept that everyone should contribute to healthcare. It will equally split the expenses between all of the citizens and
also
help to avoid the failure of the
system
.
Submitted by logan.keller on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the prompt and provides an overview of the major points you will cover in the essay. Also, expand on your supporting points to provide a clearer and more developed argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more coherently and use transition words to connect your ideas. Additionally, provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the issue.

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