Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Spending most of their time on a smartphone is becoming common among children. They tend to use it regularly in order to get entertained, educated, or communicated.
Although
some believe that
this
causes a certain effect of less physical activity, I think the positive side outweighs getting information as soon as possible and connecting with friends no matter how far they are. Recently, with the help of technological advancements, one device can control most things we do in our daily lives,
such
as reading news, mailing, and even learning.
As a consequence
, not only adults but
also
youths use it every day
due to
its complexity and simplicity. Now, it is easier for young ones to chat with friends and learn something new.
Therefore
, after the Covid-19 pandemic, they have no choice but to study online even if they do not want to. There are major benefits for children who use phones for a longer period of time. As getting updated is never
this
simple, these kids' brains have adapted to process significant information quicker than those who do not.
Moreover
, it includes enormous knowledge on the internet and
for
this
reason,
instead
of wasting time searching for the right book to learn, they can download appropriate apps for it. In conclusion, people argue about whether having extensive hours on smartphones is a positive for kids.
However
, it is true that kids,
as well as
adults, spend more on it than before, which has tremendous positive effects and enables many methods to develop themselves.
Submitted by mongoliatg on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in discussing both the positive and negative aspects of children spending hours on smartphones. It should provide a balanced view and consider various perspectives on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points, providing a clear structure to the essay. However, the essay lacks coherence in linking ideas together and developing a more cohesive argument. Ensure that each paragraph is logically linked to the previous one, and use cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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