IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some People believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society
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There are some
People
Use synonyms
Think
Correct pronoun usage
who Think
show examples
 that
Media
Use synonyms
 which presents Roughness And ferocity Get bad
adverse
Correct word choice
and adverse
show examples
 on society.
Thus
Linking Words
, we must prohibit it But, There is another opinion
say
Correct pronoun usage
that say
show examples
 there is Not a big problem That will damage
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
; It just
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 To be more comfortable I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual reality is really harmful the juniors, youth, elder
people
Use synonyms
, we can say all individuals
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both Perspectives along with my point will be demonstrated Before reaching a conclusion. On one hand,
Use synonyms
Media
Correct article usage
the Media
show examples
 is really
Add a hyphen
well-liked
show examples
well liked
Add a hyphen
well-liked
show examples
 But it's bad
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it spread severity and, it is the main reason for crimes in cities as Kill
people
Use synonyms
 and
stole
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
 them, what can be said
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. banning combat gaming ,
movies
Correct word choice
and movies
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 is the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
The
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other hand. Videos games and violent films. Is just helping us. To be entertained in our free time. And we just to know
it
Correct pronoun usage
what it
show examples
 is. A movie or game. Not all these Things. We sure. Effect on us. Badly. Maybe it's not bad like that. As an example. Children Who Kill or hurt each other
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 schools As They Treated With each other with
Violency
Correct your spelling
Violence
 ; they Just Act like the actors in films
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 In my opinion. I agree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
. All
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
Media
Use synonyms
 is favoured and
this
Linking Words
 is not good for our nations as all these things affect our youth And the children
deleteriouly
Correct your spelling
deleteriously
deleterious
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 must
disallowe
Correct your spelling
disallow
disallowed
 all
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
media
Use synonyms
, films and games.
Submitted by jihad.ibrahim28 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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