These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

#people #concern #care #responsibility #members #government

It is

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

thought that a family should be in charge of caring

elderly

Change preposition

for elderly

show examples

relatives, but some

people

believe that the

government

should take these responsibilities. The problem has been raising in developed countries where

people

are able to live 90 and more years. In my opinion,

families

must support their previous generations because the

government

is usually faceless. Family members living in a close-knit family always know better what their parents or other senior relatives require in terms of medical care, mental support, or just

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

an individual’s personality.

Furthermore

families

already have the knowledge and abilities to help their elderly, so it should not create a lot of additional hassle. Taking care of a person who raised you or has been with you during your life should be respected and appreciated by

Remove the article

apply

show examples

society as well.

For instance

, a lot of major religions have specific thoughts that approve and inspire

people

to respect

your

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parents and seniors in general. Some

people

might not have an immediate family, or they were less connected with other relatives, so there are no humans who are ready to take care of

you

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. That being said, the

government

should help

such

individuals.

Although

they will receive professional help in most cases, it might only damage because

government

institutions

such

as retirement houses are faceless, and

people

working there are not emotionally bound to retired habitants. If I were old, I would not want

this

destiny. In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that the best way to support seniors is to allow them to be with their

families

when they are retired. I recommend living in extended

families

where grandparents living with you are considered to be normal.

Submitted by skoobrs13 on Wed Oct 19 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

With the increasing demand for energy such as oil and gas, people start to look for their sources in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

Some people say that educational success most of the time depends on having a good teacher, others say that student attitudes also do matters.Discuss both sides and give your opinion.