These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

#people #concern #care #responsibility #members #government

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It is

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

thought that a family should be in charge of caring

elderly

Change preposition

for elderly

show examples

relatives, but some

people

Use synonyms

believe that the

government

Use synonyms

should take these responsibilities. The problem has been raising in developed countries where

people

Use synonyms

are able to live 90 and more years. In my opinion,

families

Use synonyms

must support their previous generations because the

government

Use synonyms

is usually faceless. Family members living in a close-knit family always know better what their parents or other senior relatives require in terms of medical care, mental support, or just

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

an individual’s personality.

Furthermore

Linking Words

families

Use synonyms

already have the knowledge and abilities to help their elderly, so it should not create a lot of additional hassle. Taking care of a person who raised you or has been with you during your life should be respected and appreciated by

Remove the article

apply

show examples

society as well.

For instance

Linking Words

, a lot of major religions have specific thoughts that approve and inspire

people

Use synonyms

to respect

your

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parents and seniors in general. Some

people

Use synonyms

might not have an immediate family, or they were less connected with other relatives, so there are no humans who are ready to take care of

you

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. That being said, the

government

Use synonyms

should help

such

Linking Words

individuals.

Although

Linking Words

they will receive professional help in most cases, it might only damage because

government

Use synonyms

institutions

such

Linking Words

as retirement houses are faceless, and

people

Use synonyms

working there are not emotionally bound to retired habitants. If I were old, I would not want

this

Linking Words

destiny. In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that the best way to support seniors is to allow them to be with their

families

Use synonyms

when they are retired. I recommend living in extended

families

Use synonyms

where grandparents living with you are considered to be normal.

Submitted by skoobrs13 on Wed Oct 19 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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These days people are living into their 90's and beyond. As a result, there is increasing concern about care for the elderly. Do you think it is the responsibility of the family to care for their elderly members or should the government be held responsible?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?

To learn effecrively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?