Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children’s study. On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development . What is your opinion

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The current generation of kids
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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obsessed with
computer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, while parents feel that it gives no academic benefit, it
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

affects the cognitive and physical
Correct your spelling
development

If you don’t want develpment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

develpment
Correct your spelling
development

If you don’t want develpment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of a child. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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the negative effects of
computer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. With the invasion of technology into our homes , children are getting easy access to
computer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Schools are
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

now
Correct your spelling
implementing
impleneting
Correct your spelling
implementing

If you don’t want impleneting to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

many academic
activity
Change to a plural noun
activities

The singular countable noun activity follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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through online
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to make it interesting for the students. Due to
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Add a comma
,this

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Due to this. Consider adding a comma.

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the
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters

If you don’t want youngesters to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

have constant access to gadgets like
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops

It seems that laptop may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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or mobile which gives them plenty of
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities

If you don’t want oppurtunities to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to play these
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. But
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is being done at the cost of their emotional, cognitive, social and physical development. The obsession with playing
games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject obsession. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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making them socially aloof. They prefer to rather play alone in their room than interact with family or friends. The gaming platform is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

where they develop
Add an article
a friendship
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friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships

It seems that friendship may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with complete strangers who may not be the right influence for them.Constant gaming
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

affects
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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Correct your spelling
physical
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical

If you don’t want physcial to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

development as they hardly get out to play.Studies have shown that children who spend a lot of time
on screen
Add a hyphen
on-screen

It appears that on screen is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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displays
Change the verb form
display

The singular verb displays does not appear to agree with the plural subject children who spend a lot of time on screen. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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features of attention deficit. Engaging in screen time just before going causes them to have sleep disturbance. In a
Correct your spelling
nutshell
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nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell

The word nut shell seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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, I strongly agree that
computer
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

games
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are addictive and
holds
Change the verb form
hold

The singular verb holds does not appear to agree with the plural subject computer games. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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little value. Schools ad parents have equal responsibility to make sure that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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access to these platforms
are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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limited and
they
Correct word choice
that they

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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have more
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity

If you don’t want oppurtunity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to participate in sports.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic performance
  • Mental and intellectual growth
  • Addiction
  • Screen time
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
  • Repetitive strain injuries
  • Violent content
  • Inappropriate content
  • Mental health
  • Aggression
  • Anxiety
  • Desensitization to violence
  • Educational games
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Cognitive development
  • Moderation
  • Strategic thinking
  • Negative effects
  • Physical development
What to do next:
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