IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

#people #school #students #money #life #skill #argument
Nowadays the world is changing rapidly and many years ago, things
such
 as
money
management
 were taught when people finished
school
, but now there is a question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 or not
money
management
 should be taught in secondary
school
. Personally, I think that it is essential for young people to learn how to manage their own
money
. In my opinion, the
school
 should prepare
students
 to live their lives on their own and teach them skills that are necessary and
money
management
 is paramount. Sooner or later everyone will have to earn
money
 for themselves and some even for their families. They will have to learn how to plan a budget, not buy things they wouldn’t use,
in other words
, live economically and by doing that, they will not get into enormous debt for which they couldn’t even repay.
School
 is responsible to make sure that
students
 would be ready to live in the real world and in my
eyes
Add a comma
,eyes
show examples
money
management
 is crucial for that. Being taught how to control your
money
 gives you the opportunity to decide what you want to do with them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for example
, some would want to save them, others would like to invest them, but everyone would have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
control of their own finances.
This
 whole question is raised
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are more and more teenagers who are creating their own businesses and being financially free at
such
 a young age. Learning how to manage
money
 would give
students
 a chance to try and create their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams. All in all, schools should teach secondary
school
students
 how to manage
money
, because it would prepare them to live on their own and give them the opportunity to control their
money
 responsibly.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: