IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? what measures can you suggest to encourage higher level of activity among children

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The advancement of technology has a significant impact on our lives in today’s society.
Thus
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, there is an increasing number of
children
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 watching
television
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 than in the past, and it reduces their
activity
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 levels. From my perspective, the development of technology is the main cause of
this
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 issue, and there are several methods that can enhance
children
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’s level of
activity
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. Without a doubt, the convenience of technology provides
children
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diversity
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the diversity
show examples
 of entertainment. Through
television
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,
children
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 can be easily attracted to content
that is
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 funny and appropriate for them, and they can spend long hours watching TV programs
such
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 as cartoons. As a consequence,
children
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 might be addicted to TV and not want to exercise. Meanwhile,
parents
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 are
also
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 involved in
this
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 concern. Since
television
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 is attractive to
children
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,
parents
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 can use them to take care of their kids while they are busy as
children
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 will settle down and be quiet.
Consequently
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,
children
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 may suffer from some diseases
such
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 as being overweight, and short-sightedness because they do not take part in other activities.
In contrast
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, there are several measures that can encourage
children
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 to have a higher level of
activity
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.
First
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 of all,
parents
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 can limit the amount of time that their
children
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 watch
television
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, yet they can suggest youngsters hang out with friends.
Furthermore
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, joining a club or an extracurricular class is an alternative choice for them, and they will be able to enhance their social skills and stay away from the TV.
For instance
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,
parents
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 can take their
children
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 to a basketball
center
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centre
show examples
, and
children
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 can make new friends and strengthen their health condition. To sum up, the level of
activity
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 among
children
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 has decreased due to the overuse of
television
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;
however
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, there are some ways to encourage higher levels of
activity
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.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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