IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. Why is this the case? what measures can you suggest to encourage higher level of activity among children

#children #television #activity #levels #case #measures #level
The advancement of technology has a significant impact on our lives in today’s society.
Thus
, there is an increasing number of
children
 watching
television
 than in the past, and it reduces their
activity
 levels. From my perspective, the development of technology is the main cause of
this
 issue, and there are several methods that can enhance
children
’s level of
activity
. Without a doubt, the convenience of technology provides
children
diversity
Add an article
the diversity
show examples
 of entertainment. Through
television
,
children
 can be easily attracted to content
that is
 funny and appropriate for them, and they can spend long hours watching TV programs
such
 as cartoons. As a consequence,
children
 might be addicted to TV and not want to exercise. Meanwhile,
parents
 are
also
 involved in
this
 concern. Since
television
 is attractive to
children
,
parents
 can use them to take care of their kids while they are busy as
children
 will settle down and be quiet.
Consequently
,
children
 may suffer from some diseases
such
 as being overweight, and short-sightedness because they do not take part in other activities.
In contrast
, there are several measures that can encourage
children
 to have a higher level of
activity
.
First
 of all,
parents
 can limit the amount of time that their
children
 watch
television
, yet they can suggest youngsters hang out with friends.
Furthermore
, joining a club or an extracurricular class is an alternative choice for them, and they will be able to enhance their social skills and stay away from the TV.
For instance
,
parents
 can take their
children
 to a basketball
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, and
children
 can make new friends and strengthen their health condition. To sum up, the level of
activity
 among
children
 has decreased due to the overuse of
television
;
however
, there are some ways to encourage higher levels of
activity
.
Submitted by luuvuthanhdat2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: