IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that to bring individuals who are from different cultures or ages the best method is
music
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement for different reasons,
such
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 as understanding wrongly and feeling bored. First of all, every culture has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 types, and no one cannot force them to listen to the same one. To be more specific, some nations follow various
music
Use synonyms
 rules, and if someone
trys
Correct your spelling
tries
 to connect them with
music
Use synonyms
, it can cause misunderstandings and even can bring about conflicts.
Therefore
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, it is better to avoid using
music
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 for collecting
people
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.
Furthermore
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, in most cases,
people
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 from different age groups have various delights. For
instnace
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instance
, in Azerbaijan,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of adults prefer mugham which is traditional Azerbaijan
music
Use synonyms
,
while
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 younger
people
Use synonyms
 listen to rap. So it is difficult to bring these
people
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together with
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 the help of
music
Use synonyms
 because rap and mugham are completely different.
People
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 can feel
boref
Correct your spelling
bored
 if they listen to the align type.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 consider that if individuals listen to other culture's
music
Use synonyms
, they will get
familliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with that tradition, and it will help them to broaden their
horizones
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horizons
. So, they think
music
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 is a helpful way to collect together.
However
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that if humans want to be aware of the other traditions, they can find
wast
Correct word choice
a wide
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 range amount of information
in
Change preposition
on
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 the internet and bringing them
together with
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music
Use synonyms
 can have detrimental impacts on their
phsyology
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physiology
psychology
. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account,
i
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I
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 am convinced that connecting
people
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 from different customs and ages with
music
Use synonyms
 can have negative
conqequences
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consequences
, like misunderstandings among
people
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 or being under stress
while
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 listening to different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure that your introduction clearly states your position and provides a brief overview of your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you use linking words and phrases appropriately to improve the flow of your essay, especially when transitioning between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from your own experience that illustrate your points, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly and presents a clear opinion, which is essential for the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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